The messengers had ventured forth, far and wide, spreading word of the impending celebration. Rhythm Method had prepared her finest culinary delights, and all had put on their most beautiful garbs, though some like Do Her Well had to settle for the feathers she could get second-hand.  At least she was better off than Ru Ru Rimmin and Cirque du So Lame, who to their chagrin had arrived to find they had outfits perfectly matched. Just Ender had brought alcohol and a 'Vietmanese' girlfriend, while Twerxes Like Xerxes had brought a wooden one. But all, including Sodomentary Cock, had brought an air of celebration.

 

 

 

"My dear sir, surely you shall not alight here?" a concerned voice came from atop the horse that had just galloped up. "I have seen depraved and debauched behavior flowing from this kingdom with alacrity!"

 

 

 

A figure slumped behind him, slipping unsteadily out of the saddle and piling into an heap on the ground. Fuckle Up hiccuped, grinned, and pulled head his head high. "To depravity and debauchery!" He punched his fist upward and strode forth.

 

 

 

"You're going the wrong way," Hot Dick grabbed his shoulder, Ice Box having to steady him afterwards. "We'll show you, this game is old hat to us."

 

 

 

Ice Box sniffed. "Gone for months, but nothing ever changes around here."

 

 

 

Fuckle Up wrinkled his nose. "To the King?" he asked uncertainly.

 

 

 

"The Australian contingent reporting to the King, and I have with me a foreign queen!" Massive Cock Check pulled up beside them, Queen Cums A Lot on his arm.

 

 

 

"Comes a lot?" asked Lois Lame. "Then why haven't I seen you before?"

 

 

 

The Queen smiled at her alluringly. "Don't worry my dear, I'll come for you again."

 

 

 

Gobble My Ass interrupted them, tugging her fearsome beast back. Beside John Handcock, Just Oliver sat obediently at her side. "We better hurry up, the celebration is starting."

 

 

 

The crowds grew as they approached the castle, both hounds and humans welcomed within. Me No Engrish tugged back her hound, while Stinky Floss gave Public Enema free access to all within. Muff Daddy jumped, feeling the hot breath of the muzzle below him. Just Ben stood next to Just Ben, stroking his beard. Just Liz moved away from them both, distracted by the sight of the newest act, Pole Her Bare, whose moves were highlighted by the glowing candles positioned around her.

 

 

 

"Wasn't that Just Jaci?" she asked Buck Fucka, who was drooling slightly.

 

 

 

"Shut up, she might take her shirt off." He was shoved aside by Just Get It Over With, who put herself in prime position for viewing.

 

 

 


Meanwhile Cunty Butler, Miss Delivery, and Blown Ranger were shoving gobs of mutton down their throats, while Titty Boo Boo sweated from the appalling load of meat he had already consumed. Chicken Bone Her had to avert her eyes. Cockamole had tried to convince Brown Eye to hunt down a salad for her, but he got distracted by tossing Who's Your Daddy's first, and just brought back the hash shit for her.

 

 

 

Deadbeat was trying to sell his fortune telling abilities to Ultrahead and Gloryhole, but when On All Fours got it out of him that he'd dreamt of Cuming Mutha, his clientele quickly scrambled away.

 

 

 

"Silence!" Dr. Kimble stood on a table before the masses. "Do you not know why we are here?"

 

 

 

"To Drink!" shouted Hoseblower and Saigon Sally.

 

 

 

"Yes, but to drink for what?" Dr. K prompted.

 

 

 

"Sex!" Code for Penis shouted.

 

 

 

"A good answer, a good answer." Dr. K paused.

 

 

 

"Sex with who?" a voice from the crowd called.

 

 

 

"The King!" called out Fuck Norris, recognizing the voice's source.

 

 

 

"Exactly!" King Rong Jon stumbled forth, a path clearing before him.

 

 

 

"Give him the virgins!" yelled Vagina Dentata, who was slapped by Primal Vagina.

 

 

 

"Sorry!" Just Cam shoved his virgin to the front alongside Cockamole's.

 

 

 

"Yes, yes," The King muttered. "Put them to the side. We have more important business to attend." He looked to Dr. Kimble.

 

 

 

"Do you know what day it is?" Dr. Kimble's voice echoed to the rafters.

 

 

 

"It's October!" yelled Douchicorn.

 

 

 

"It's Child Health Day," Udder Moron clarified.

 

 

 

"And Rosh hash on on!" Circle Jerk added.

 

 

 

"On on!" Wee Wee and Millimeter Peter raised their glasses.

 

 

 

"And my birthday!" Minor 69er declared. She was immediately lifted by Slap a Bag of Dickz and Hoseblower and paraded around the room. Luckily Saigon Sally and Whorifist were close behind when the pair stumbled and dropped her.

 

 

 

"Her birthday..." Dr. K paused to allow the drunken masses to catch up. "And the King's!"

 

 

 

"The King's!" shouted My Little Porno and Perfect Woman.

 

 

 

"The King's!" echoed Rocky Mountain Oyster and Bitch's Bitch.

 

 

 

"The King's!" shouted Mouth Down South, when it seemed there would at last be silence.

 

 

 

"What have you for the King?" Cockagami asked.

 

 

 

"I have in my hands a poem!" Dr. Kimble revealed, and at last a mostly respectful silence emerged, allowing Dr. Kimble to recount the king's exploits through the years. Not a dry eye was left at the end of the speech, though truth be told some of that was due to the smokiness of the candles.

 

 

 

"Sire, sire!" Dick Simmons shouted with alarm.

 

 

 

"Ah, a jester! How marvelous!" King Rong Jon said with a gleam in his eye. "Drink, jester, drink! Someone hand him a glass."

 

 

 

"The horses! Bandits have the horses!" Wrinklepecker informed them. "They've stolen four of them, and more are coming. Raise your knights!"

 

 

 

"Nights?" the King arched an unsteady eyebrow. "I can't raise night, it's already dark."

 

 

 

"No, your forces of defence," Millimeter Peter explained.  "You must protect your serfdom."

 

 

 

"Ah," the King waggled a finger and sipped from his cup. "This is where you are wrong my friend." He put an arm around Hand Pump.

 

 

 

"I've said I was a King, and in fact I am The King,

 

The finest one I know.

 

I've journeyed far, I've journeyed wide,

 

To heav'n and hell below."

 

 

 

"I've mastered horse and bested man,

 

My battles are renowned.

 

And lucky is the one who kneels

 

Below my tarnished crown."

 

 

 

"I'll take my pleasure as it comes

 

And kill my fiercest foe

 

I'll drink from every bottle and cask

 

But rule this Kingdom?  No."

 

 

 

***

 

 

In days of old, when knights were bold and journeyed from their castles
Trusty men were left behind, knights needed not the hassles
They helped themselves to pig and peach
And drank from King's own chalice
Oh, it was a stirring sight, these gypsies in the palace.