“Oh the streets you will go,

Oh the alleys you’ll try,”

One fox said with a

Twinkle in her eye.

 

“We’ve got lots of virgins,

We’ve got Betty Cocker,

A warm welcome to Just May,

And Orville Redencocker.”

 

“So please join Cockamole,

Twerxes and Sleazy,”

They smiled and winked.

“The trail? Why it’s easy.”

 

And so the pack left,

Blessed well by Zipper’

Ocean Spray diving

Around cars that would clip her.

 

Down the stairs flew Pepe,

Pushing Muggles left and right

Rent Whore gasped,

And Fucker flinched in fright.

 

As they scrambled past Market,

The pack chose to slow,

To let Resting Slut Face and Douchicorn,

Fight for Best Dog in Show.

 

A decision was made,

Stinky Floss called them on,

If I’m Drunk got ahead—

The beer… would be gone.

 

But turning a corner,

Sir Menage quaked in fear,

For as Got Wood pointed out,

Beer was NOT near.

 

Fuck Norris called for bravery,

Reverse Schoolgirl took the chant,

Perfect Woman gave the answer-

Give up? Hashers can’t.

 

On the playground Ru Ru climbed,

Hashers found their amusement,

Dick Simmons snapped some pics.

Muff Daddy looked on in bemusement.

 

Then Hand Pump pulled through

With whiskey and something pink,

Bitch’s Bitch and Handidicked

Squeezed in for a drink.

 

Gondolarrhea found solace

In the bottom of his cup,

The hashers drank

Until the drinks were all up!

 

And onwards they flew,

Shaft’s feet were much lighter

“A song!” Cried Do Her Well,

Pulling Crabs in tighter.

 

As they lauded San Francisco,

Gloryhole shed a tear,

“‘Suck My Balls’ always gets me,

Now fuck it—where’s the beer?”

 

To Chinatown they returned,

And made a new friend,

To Sewer Spewer, they toasted,

His unfortunate end!

 

But onwards and upwards,

A circle they needed,

Before the resentment of Brown Eye

Could be more deeply seeded.

 

Cuming Mutha announced,

Tear of Semen felt a tremor

Why so excited?

The Anti-Ranger Run—remember!

 

Crimes there were many,

But memories were few,

Mouth Down South was lauded,

For an age that was new.

 

And so trail was finished

The hares let down their sockses,

And the pack did applaud,

Those foxes with boxes.