Who’s Your Daddy picks up the microphone and taps it.

 

 

 

“Okay, well. Is this on? It is?” The microphone screeches. “Jesus. I mean, I guess that’s appropriate for today. Haha. Anyway. Here’s a little number for a very special person in my life. You know who you are. But if you don’t, it’s Five Angry Inches, the best cohare that money could buy.”

 

 

 

The familiar beat of Call Me Maybe starts up. Hashers flee the room.

 

 

 

I threw the flour so well

 

Mouth Down South couldn’t tell

 

Cockamole called as it fell

 

John Handcock found my way

 

 

 

Tuna on Top made a wish

 

Little Sissy Pants took a piss

 

Paki-sack commuted for this

 

But Dickweed lost the way

 

 

 

Your stare was holding

 

Ripped jeans

 

Five Angry Inches showing

 

Hashmas night

 

Trail was blowing

 

Where you think you're going baby?

 

 

 

Hey I just met you

 

And this is crazy

 

But here's some flour

 

So cohare maybe?

 

 

 

It's hard to find you on trail baby

 

Shit—it’s Gobble My Ass---

 

So call me maybe?

 

 

 

And Dual Tools is gonna

 

Try to chase me

 

But there’s Anal Fulcum!

 

So call me maybe?

 

 

 

The Perfect Woman is tall

 

Wee Wee pinched cheeks in the fall

 

Brown Eye gave down downs to all

 

Shanghiney came to the bay

 

 

 

Today Is Monday doesn’t feel

 

That the Turkey was real

 

I didn't know I would deal it

 

But it's just my way

 

 

 

The van keys Do Her Well’s holding

 

Millimeter Peter

 

Post beer check, was showing

 

Mary Tyler Whore

 

Knew our trail was blowing

 

Where you think you're going baby?

 

 

 

Before Just Doesn’t Get It came into my life

 

I missed you so bad

 

I missed you so bad

 

I missed you so, so bad

 

Before Just Doesn’t Get It came into my life

 

I missed you so bad

 

Do Her Well knows that

 

I missed you so so bad, bad, bad, bad....

 

 

 

It's hard to set trail with you baby

 

But here's my number

 

So cohare maybe?