For weeks, My Little Porno had been telling Cherry Poppins about the trail she wants to hare with him, but every time she mentioned twin peaks he just thought she was referring to her breasts. Unable to contain his excitement, Cherry Poppins spent the last week telling everyone what a wonderful treat the last hash of the year is going to be. "Omg guyz, trail is going to be totes amaze balls. I'm just going to throw some flour on My Little Porno’s boobs, you'll give her twins a squeeze and then head straight for the keg!" he told everyone. The pack and the dozen visitors and virgins had quite the rude awakening when it turned out that trail was completely vertical, all the way to the top of Twin Peaks. However, those who braved the hills, perilous cliffs, and lack of breasts, were rewarded with champagne and breathtaking views. Roman Shower, not knowing exactly what to do without a race bib and a water bottle belt, kept saying she was lost, while literally standing on a true trail arrow. Having come straight to the hash from watching the new hobbit movie, Masterbaster decided to reenact the barrel scene and rolled part of the way down to the beer check.
Lost in Foreskin was the obvious choice to RA in Wee Wee’s place due to their striking resemblance, but he was too drunk. Crabs came out of RAtirnment to give the people what they wanted, and what they wanted was to see man nipples, a naming, and something long, hard, and pink in My Little Porno's mouth. Cherry Poppins (jesus how many times is this guy going to get mentioned) did two shirtless Zombie Killer down downs for the setting a shitty trail. Muff Daddy showed Just Dwayne that beer is actually better when poured down your pants. Just Dwayne vowed to never drink again! Just Nick finally earned a name by promising to bring a case of wine to the hash from work was named Penis Noir. Since all the visitors already thought of SFH3 as a racist hash and not realizing that there were a dozen of them, Broken Boner decided that “if one asian drinks, they all drink.” Good thing he has sweet Hapkido skills and was left unharmed when they all ganged up on him after circle. Curtains Match The Drapes started introducing himself as Just Alex again because he couldn't remember/understand his name. It was decided that he should get a new one that he can actually remember and is now #I’mReallySadIDon’tHaveADickInMyAssRightNow.
The pack headed down to Toad Hall, home of the best happy hour in town. After downing just enough drinks to make sure they won’t remember anything tomorrow, Banana in Public, The Perfect Woman and No Shit, ripped their shirts off, covered themselves in baby oil and started doing things that would make their mother’s frown, but would make their gay step-uncles, very very happy. Wanting to see who would look the most pale next to Banana, Dick Simmons, I Love The Taste Of Cock In the Morning, and Penis Noir, stripped down and went onto the dance floor. At the sight of straight men (identifiable by their lack of tan) and having gotten whitegirl drunk, Can’t Rush Anal, My Little Porno, Roman Shower, joined in on the pre-orgy foreplay. My Uncle’s Girlfriend kept her shirt on the whole time, everyone was sad and said they’re never hashing again, this year. Watching, what some have called the “On-after of the decade” (http://goo.gl/8JDwWy), Hand Pump and Who’s Your Daddy said that the party was way too tame for them, and headed off to The Armory to get an early start on the kink.com new year’s party.
Have a Very Hashy New Year’s Everyone!