It was dark and cold last Monday night. Perfect weather for a WYD trail start in Stern Grove. We gathered across from the Charlie Sava Pool. I was shivering in the darkness while sipping my pre r~n beer hoping the high alcohol content would warm, or at least numb me…. The pack took off and headed into the park…blah, blah, blah.

As we made our way down through ankle deep shiggie, then back up, then back down through more shiggie, filling our shoes with sticks and sand, we descended into the pitch-black darkness at the bottom of Stern Grove. I actually felt solid pavement, (I’m not absolutely sure, it was so dark). I took about three or four steps into a slow jog when my left foot suddenly jammed into something. Just then I heard someone call out,

“Watch out for the speed bump!”

Too late…

“Engine room to Captain! Danger! Danger!”

“The bi-ped module has stalled. Our gauges show degraded forward motion and rapid acceleration toward descent.”

“Eminent danger…Manbeast is heading into face plant!”

“Captain to engine room! Take evasive action immediately! Engage starboard side reverse thrusters!”

“Captain, There’s trouble down here…I have 3 men pulling the slack out of the capstan wench already. Both thermistors are low on capacitance and one of the starboard reverse thrusters is damaged. The full-wave bridge rectifier is not even primed!”

“For Fucksake Scotty, damn the bad thruster and skip the prime. Give us full power to the starboard bi-ped module now! Manbeast is out of control. He has changed into a flying 190-pound projectile. Eminent face plant expected in point 3 seconds!”

“Aye, aye sir…full emergency power to the starboard reverse thrusters.”

And so the discussion went inside my head as I avoided an ugly fall all the way to the ground. That was the good news.

The bad news…my doctor says I have at least a 10% torn right hamstring muscle. Minimum 6 weeks of no running.

Shaft

P.S. There was great beer (Deschutes Fresh Squeezed IPA) before, during and after the r~n.