FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
San Francisco Hash Opens New Amusement Park
Bayshore, SF May 25th, 2015
Opening in the heart of Bayshore is an exciting new amusement park, the Magical World of Mysteries. Hosted by Oh Shit and No Panties, No Problem, this new attraction is sure to be fun for the entire family. Featuring endless yards of barbed wire, artisanally broken glass, and specially spiked railroad tracks, we can guarantee you will leave here with countless new memories.
Explore trails as ancient as Bay to Breakers, then tucker down for some beer and all you can eat fruit pastries. Sit back and watch our expert sword swallower Just Marisa perform-- now headlining as Chicken Bone Her, she can hold something in her throat for seven days and not die!
Our very own version of Cinderella will be enacted nightly, when Titty Boo Boo searches for his one true love. Who will fill the cups of the abandoned sports bra? Was it on a real woman to begin with? What are those white spots? Come to the show to find out!
Be sure to arrive early for one of our most popular attractions, Disney Tits. The line forms early for this one, but the views are can’t miss. She is also one of our famed fortune tellers—she and LCB may lead you far astray, but for some reason no one ever complains.
If you are one of our first one hundred visitors, you will receive your own drill bit, courtesy of Dick Ass Mother Fucker and Dickweed—it’s amazing to see what two Dicks get up to with one drill. Shanghai Louie and ABBAH have been here since last week waiting to find out.
Unfortunately we have a strict policy on unattended children—if you leave them alone, they will be given a hash name. We discovered Just Jim playing all by himself, and left him where we found him as Wash This Asshole.
As always we’re excited to see all our visitors, virgins, and returners. Be sure to come back next week! Remember your MWoM is always open for fun!