Just Evan peered over the sheer cliff to the uninviting waters below. He wasn't quite sure how he had gotten stuck on this island, or how he could get off of it, but he knew for a fact that he wasn't going over that cliff. He wasn't stupid enough, at least not yet.
He'd only been around for a little while, but he'd gathered from the others that he was safe until he became memorable, and then the other Justs would collectively vote you off the island, often just after the point that the denizens of the deep waters were able to recognize you.
Oh, yeah, those assholes down there. They gathered below like sharks sensing blood, cavorting and frolicking with each other. Mary Tyler Whore and Chicken Bone Her had set up rafts with tasty cocktails on board, and Who's Your Daddy was swimming in the most labyrinthine way possible between them. The pack were ignoring his directions entirely, as usual, and had consumed quite a bit of liquor and beer amongst them despite his malintentions.
The one difference from the other weeks was that this time they had beads, the mere presence of which compelled the hashers to show their breasts and/or penises. Just Evan watched as Stinky Floss, Just Get It Over With, and Heracknophobia competed mercilessly for any remaining bling. Resting Slut Face, unfortunately, had been given demerits for manboobs, while Cirque du So Lame got docked for circumcision.
Of course, none on Just Island had been dumb enough to participate, thank god. The only notable fact this week had been two virgins, who would have been so unremarkable that no one would have remembered their names, were it not for their blindingly new shoes.
"What do they want?" asked one, as the crowd below them pooled together like sewage.
"They want you to drink," explained Just Jackie. "Out of your shoe. Because it's there."
"If you ignore them long enough, they'll go away," advised Just Syd, who then slunk into the bushes.
"No, I don't think that's a good idea," cautioned Just Jesse. "They're just like dogs after a bone, that lot. I once knew a pooch that stared at a ball for eight hours without blinking. We don't want to deal with them for that long."
Luckily for the virgins, an argument had broken out amongst the crowds below. Eat My Pussy was beating at his chest, pleading for the virgins' case (or their hearts), while Miss Delivery belched a counterargument in his ear. Zippercised and Saigon Sally eagerly partook from their own shoes, partially to stop the kvetching and partially because their week-worn socks were sure to give their beer that well-loved bleu cheese flavor.
"Dear god, they're animals," remarked Just Evan.
Meanwhile Roman Showers had gathered the pack together in a chorus with her new hymenal to welcome some long lost friends. One Night Only, complete with mini-raft for her booted foot, pled injured along with Bitch's Bitch, while No Hands and Pencil Dick pled drunk. Abbah was welcomed back in a scene reminiscent of Cheers, except everyone knew his ass. Wash This Asshole and Rent Whore were too busy socializing to bother with the pack, which was just as well since everyone wanted to get back to the anal beads.
"For fuck's sake!" yelled Just Anna. "I'm tired of sitting up here all quiet and boring. We all do stupid shit, it's a fact of life. You--" she pointed at Just Jackie, "keep sacrificing your skull, knees, and butt to whatever hard object will find them..."
"While you!" she turned towards Just Aaron, "should have been dragged down below for your stupid Backbeats a long time ago."
"Huh?" asked Just Aaron, opening an ear.
"I for one am sick of playing nice. You want stupid? I'll tell you all about stupid. You thought the IUD in Vegas was bad, let me tell you about my cat-piss-filled oatmeal, my sugar momma fetish which combines rather poorly with my desire for daddy's love, and this double headed dildo I refuse to keep in the closet because it won't fit. You want dumbass, that's my middle name, but my boss makes me say it 'Dumás.'"
The other Justs looked at each other, and stepped towards her. But Just Anna, making a true trial by gravity, did a swan dive off the cliff and slipped smoothly into the waters below. The hashers rated her performance a 4D to remember, and Double Dildo Dick My Daddy she was.