"You're back!" yelled Abbah, smacking his red lips. "For the Red Dress run!"

 

Roman Showers and Backside Banger looked at each other. "I thought they would have noticed that the Facebook updates stopped," Roman Showers mused.

 

"Calm down, Abbah," Craven Morehead said. "I'm sure others want to say hello also. And did you meet our newest visitor, Princess Labia?"  But Abbah had already drifted away to get a refresher on his makeup from Sleazy Like Sunday Whoring.

 

"A dollar!" Sir Menage a Lot shouted, jumping up and down. "Lookee what I got!"

 

"I've earned more from a streetcorner licking my balls," Allahu Aqbark snorted, tugging Masterbaster. "Come on, before they catch us." The pair swiftly ran away, turning the corner before anyone noticed.

 

"I'm gonna catch 'em," Dildo Baggins muttered. "I'm gonna catch 'em all." Hand Pump patted his back as they walked up and down the hallway. "Of course you are," he soothed the man.

 

Archititty raised an eyebrow. "Conditions sure have changed since I was last here," she said in a hushed whisper to Soapscum. "It seems things are a lot more... out of control."  Rhythm Method ran by, flashing her underwear at them.

 

"The management is paying a lot more attention to the satisfaction scores," Bum Sucking Electric Fag stopped beside them. "Of course, if the board recommends a change..."

 

Sodomentary Cock ran by in a dress made from a curtain, determinedly chasing Boner Malfunction.

 

"I think we should see how this plays out," Archititty said firmly.

 

"Where's the beer?" butted in Sister Fister. "Cuming Mutha said to ask On All Fours, and she said to ask Who's Your Daddy, and he said to wait for the Hash Marathon announcement, and Masterbaster is gone, and I don't understand Allahu Aqbark at all anyway and I think he's the only one that really knows."

 

"No worries!" Bitch Pimp said cheerily. "I love your dress by the way, so festive! Here you go, drink up."

 

"I need to get home to my twins," Slap a Bag of Dickz grabbed the cup from her and sipped it down.

 

"Of course you do!" Bitch Pimp's smile never broke. "Enough for everyone!" She pushed 9 1/2 Wanks forward. "Get in there dear, give them their 'medicine.'"

 

"But I need these sunglasses!" whined Just Alex. Wee Wee Wee All The Way Home looked at him skeptically. "I have squinty eye disorder. It's a thing."

 

"It's not billable," Wee Wee disagreed, looking at her charts. "If I let you have the sunglasses, Hoseblower would want them too, and then if I gave him the sunglasses, Udder Moron would want them to. Are you able to share?"

 

"No!" stomped Just Alex. "Look, I'll give you sewing tips. Did you know you can make anything out of a bendy pool noodle?"

 

Wee Wee flipped a page. "Ah! There it is. Code for Penis." She threw the sunglasses at him. "Do what you want, I got my reimbursement."

 

During her distraction most of the group had taken off, running through the courtyard, only to be stopped by a metal gate. Dick Simmons bent down and tasted some powder off the ground.

 

"I wish we could stop him from doing that," groaned Crabs.

 

"This way!" Dick Simmons yelled triumphant, only to by overtaken by Vagina Dentata who had grabbed the hashshit from Wrinklepecker. Leading the group up ten flights of stares, it was his only comfort when they found the top door locked and had to go all the way back down.

 

"God, it chafes," Stinky Floss complained, wiping her thighs down with some of Dick's Powder.

 

"What on earth are they running for?" asked Popeye's Bitch, bemused.

 

"Charity!" yelled Heracknophobia as she darted past.

 

"Beer!" chided Saigon Sally breathlessly.

 

"But Charity likes it when I'm sweaty and flushed," retorted Heracknophobia.

 

Twerxes Like Xerxes emerged from a doorway, licking her lips. "There's a special treat in there," she advised Dick Ass Mother Fucker and Chicken Bone Her, prompting them to immediately cum with her.

 

"Don't you think it's about time we calmed them down?" asked Primal Vagina.

 

"Did you meet my mother?" Foul Balls asked, putting an arm around One Night Only. "She didn't use a condom!"

 

"I'll get the straightjackets," One Night Only agreed.

 

"Condoms!" shouted On All Fours, gathering Cunty Butler, Whorifist, Doucheicorn, Cuming Mutha, Bitch's Bitch, and Shoeless Joe Jackson. Code for Penis and Buck Fucka grabbed Cheese Turd and Crabs before they could get away.

 

"No hands, remember!" yelled On All Fours. "Now blow!"

 

"I've never seen anything so beautiful," Cunty Butler opined later. "A tie between Cheese Turd and On All Fours-- that's how it had to end."

 

Just Get It Over With jotted down a quick note. "Any other feelings you'd like to mention?"

 

"Beer?"

 

"Here you go," Cockamole said helpfully.

 

Meanwhile, Bitch's Bitch had gathered 9 1/2 Wanks alongside Ru Ru Rimmin, Uber Luber, and Popeye's Bitch for a photograph. "Say Chinese!" he yelled excitedly.

 

"This is going in his file," grumbled Popeye's Bitch.

 

"And then they fitted me with this boot, but I think I can switch it out for a thin metal blade," Drunken Honuts said to Cockagami. "You know what they say:

 

Roses are red,

I like tight butts,

Don't ever piss off

Drunken Honuts."

 

"Very clever," said Cockagami. "Tranquilizer, anyone?" he whisper-screamed.

 

---

 

To the Co-ordinators of Half-Minds Asylum:

The alternative practices you have employed for the past nine months are now under strict review after multiple pregnancies, severe genitalia injuries, and occasional arrests of our occupants. While patients may be more satisfied, we fear they are less healthy overall and therefore will be unlikely to remain with us for the lifelong care they need. With this in mind, we will be going on full lockdown. All red dresses will be confiscated.

 

Sincerely and with highest appreciation for your work,

Dr. Do Her Good