Run #427 ....And She Actually Let Them Into Her House!

Perhaps the fact that Comes Slowly’s personal consumption of red wine keeps several vineyards in the black had nothing to do with her starting last Thursday’s trail at Grattan School across from her house and announcing that the on-on would not only be inside but that she had prepared dinner. Did she not realize how many days it would take for the odor of Bigfoot belches to finally fade? Was she not conscious of the possibility of a Spanky spew-a-thon? The mere thought of D’anglin A’nglin’s shorts touching their furniture would send most people into shock but not Comes Slowly. While we know what fools these mortals be this was well above and beyond the call of duty. Speaking of Spanky she provided the evening’s religious service. Unable to keep her hand out of her shorts as she read the parable of Kelli, Cynthia, and Nanci Spanky ministered to herself as she ministered to the pack. The psychic link she shares with Almond Joy was made clear by the ecstasy on his face and the stain on his shorts as both Spanky and the sermon climaxed. Religion having been attended to the pack was on-on. Trail led over the top of Tank Hill where our hare was kind enough to point out the grand views to those FRBs who can only focus on their feet. Not to insinuate that Shaggy Dog is impervious to stirring sights as was made clear by his focus on Beats Me’s butt. In fact that particular swivel and sway was clearly on the mind of I R Stupid. If he paid as much attention to the location of sobriety checks as he does to female anatomy fewer Gypsies would have to abandon their vehicles and taxi home. The trail repeatedly threatened to cross Twin Peaks but only foolish mortals like Dickless (and generally brainless) Namehole and Shithead took the threat seriously. Less foolish mortals like T/BC, Fits In, and Cowlick chose to put their faith in the noses of Whippet In and Whippet Out who sensed that no serious hill climbing was necessary. Fits In’s terminal laziness combined with T/BC’s inability to stay fit instead of fat led the trio to short cut even further. Imagine their surprise at finding Bigfoot and Beats Me already on-in. Bigfoot foolishly thinking that sliding head first down the trail would be less physically taxing than *unning was busily trying to staunch the flow of blood from her knee. The sight of dripping blood and the sense of wounded prey sent Badger into a slathering frenzy leaving Drill Me barely able to keep Bigfoot from ending up as a snack for the Gypsies’ own Hannibal. The sight of his true love’s blood flowing from anywhere but Tamponworld left Enter The Gerbil shaken and desperately in need of drink. Luckily Nutless Sac in a desperate effort to redeem his past transgressions made sure that the alcohol was ready to roll. The Sacred Bucket was filled with Fits In’s own death by lemonade and Gerbil was soon strong enough to assume his role as the King’s Fool and administer justice to the guilty. Down-downs were consistently lethal whether they came in the form of lemonade, Arack, or Pisa (a hazelnut flavored piss). Enough alcohol was poured into Shaft to leave him even more shaftless than normal much to Cowlick’s displeasure. Dr. Kimble hovered around the Bucket desperately trying to convince Bag Lady that having delirium tremens was perfect training for the Dipsea. Just Bob spent the evening in his usual fog which alcohol only deepens. The man is so clueless that even when he talks to himself he can’t get an answer. Only the introduction of Comes Slowly’s chili saved Naked Hasher from his weekly bout with hypothermia. He’s a clothing drive waiting to happen. By the time dinner arrived so much alcohol had been consumed that Juror was no longer Hung and it didn’t appear that any amount of Scarlett O’Hairy’s volunteered huffing and puffing was going to blow him back up. Just Nick arrived late and still hung over from the night before putting him in an excellent position for a ”hair of the dog” evening making Sadie rather nervous. Fucking Pesto Chicken was taking all this in with a jaundiced eye. If he paid more attention to who used his hot tub his eye wouldn’t be jaundiced. Manhole spent the evening glued to his chair until it was time to fall over and be carried home by McTaco. McTaco arrived late and without Elliot to drag him home only became moderately comatose. Open Wide arrived late with newly styled hair. Desperate to find a set of teeth in bad enough shape to be used as hands on material for her dental hygienist’s exam she was busy prying open unconscious mouths and probing with mirror and pick. Likes To Lick observing her demonic fervor wisely chose to keep his mouth shut. Meat Pie and No Hands arrived late but were soon drunk enough to offer to help Comes Slowly clean up the mess. Who knew they were looking for new careers? Neatness is next to nothing. Cheers.