Run #461 …And They Seemed So Normal

Oh yeah, the moon was really full last Thursday night and the Gypsies’ asylum was fuller than usual as the pack gathered at Aquatic Park for a full physical from Dr. Kimble. In a portent of things to cum 5150, still dodging butterfly nets and men in white coats, arrived out of the night and the Gypsies’ past. Speaking of the past cuming back to haunt Hot Box rolled up on his bike as a reminder of drunken yesteryears. The way the evening went you’d have thought the pack was *unning over an Indian burial ground. Not that the sight of Gored Bush in tights and a tank top hasn’t been know to move objects but the way Naked Hasher was watching her stretch you could tell the dead were rising. Sister Mary from SVH3 was set to provide the religious experience but when she took the Sacred Missal in hand a horrible smell of burning flesh filled the air and it was clear that even a defrocked practitioner of the black mass was too pure to handle the Gypsies’ bible. 5150 had no such problems and provided a parable fitting for the evening. Trail began with a less than dog friendly fence crossing which left Dr. Kimble bleeding from the talking too given him by Bite Size, Whippet In, and Whippet Out. Hey it was the kind of night that saw Bite Size actually vamping the Whippet boys instead of trying to eat them. It didn’t take the pack long, the first check, to descend to its usual level of milling chanting mob. Trail actually led through the park above Lombard Dr. K where had sprinkled antifreeze in a payback gesture to the pooches. They were saved by the incredibly cheap Chickless Boner siphoning the stuff up to reuse in this car. Leaving the park trail descended down the corkscrew turns of Lombard and headed off toward Columbus and a chug up to Coit Tower and the beer check. At this point Dick Chick caught the stragglers. She was doing the trail before heading off on a date. Got to give her credit she’s going to get hot and sweaty one way or another. Claiming mind numbing pain Thumper begged a return to the start in Dr. K’s mechanical conveyance. Truth to tell the only mind numbing he was interested in took place at the Sacred Bucket where he took one dose of pain killer after another. Of course he had to fight Drill Me for the privilege since she turned back early on the premise that Bite Size might have gotten into the antifreeze before Chickless. By the time the pack got back Drill Me was definitely into antifreeze of another color. Speaking of antifreeze the Sacred Bucket was filled with one of Fits In’s patented skull splitting vodka punches. Bag Lady was already rolling from the punches she’d downed. Scarlett O’Hairy and Lois Lame in an alcohol induced profile in courage grabbed Useless Tool by the crotch and jumped back giggling and chanting that he deserved his name. Dickless Namehole had a very visible moment of panic when he thought he was next for a name check. Nutless Sac on the other hand would have paid them to try him. Phone Sex arrived late and stylishly attired in civvies. I R Stupid took her to task for claiming she’d been working late since she’s a city employee. This from a man who considers going to the bathroom being fully employed. D’anglin Anglin spent the evening following Just Janelle around plaintively whining “Tits out for the boys.” Janelle finally shut him down by saying “I’d be glad to flash these babies for the men, if there were any.” Just Paul unable to deal with all the sexual innuendo fled screaming to Sister Mary’s car covering his ears and crying “I’m not really here.” A very toasted Enter The Gerbil kept accosting female passersby and asking “Are you Bigfoot.” Ever the kind hearted and sober soul Bone Marrow put him to sleep in his car. While not a physical presence Likes To Lick’s presence was felt in the form of the Henry’s he kindly supplied the pack. Glory Hole arrived late and the sight of the stuff sent him into a dead faint. Open Wide swore that she had no part in LTL’s evil deed but no one believed her. Muff Snatcher became obsessed with trying to convince Just Vincent to show him a dog trick so Just Vincent doffed his trousers and proceeded to lick his balls. Wide eyed with wonder Handjob For Humanity asked if he could teach her to do that and Rhett Butthole offered let her practice on him. King Rongjon snagged the Sword Of Power and administered a few down-downs to those most sorely in need of correction. At this point Tongueless invited a couple of civilians to join in the festivities and they proceeded to prove the Gypsies sane by comparison. Tongueless attracts insanity like shit attracts flies. Fits In carries a business card that says “I have no idea who this man is. Please make him go away” and distributes them freely. As the Bucket emptied and hour grew late Twinkle Dick was bungeed to his bike and bets were made on the likeliness of his survival. The money will be divided next week. Apparently no one was sober enough to actually go to an on-on-on. And this is the verse ye grave for me Done in by the Bucket. Cheers.