Run #469 I Feet Pretty, Oh So Pretty!

So there they were all dressed up with no one to blow (a paraphrase from Lethal Weapon). Running the gamut from ultrachic to matronly the Gypsies were incredibly styling for their Little Black Dress trail. I R Stupid had so many frocks he couldn’t choose which one to wear. Constantly asking, “Do my thighs look fat?” he finally decided on the one that made him look least like a candidate for liposuction. Tongueless was chic in a clingy sequined number that left him looking like a pregnant dowager empress. And these were just the hares! Polly visiting from DublinH3 had spent the afternoon selecting the perfect handbag to go with his dress and getting what few hairs left on his head coiffed. Half the women there announced they’d gladly die if they could just have legs like Enter The Gerbil who finally tired of giving out his secrets for moisturizing. Once all the coffee klatching was done heads were bowed and the pack received its benediction from At Your Cervix, a Whine & Chowder harriette, who found the Sacred Missal just her cup of tea. Reading with gusto our visitor left little doubt that she found the Sacred Missal eerily autobiographical. Ears weren’t the only appendages that pricked up as the reading gathered momentum. Chickless Boner was left happy that he was wearing a full skirt. Laid on his back he could have been mistaken for an umbrella. Trail was clearly laid with an eye to maximum exposure of the clothes horses *unning it. Civilians in Chinatown and Northbeach were provided plenty of eye candy as the likes of Likes To Lick in a zippered faux leather number strutted their stuff. Passing one of the less upscale titty bars Rhett Butthole was offered a job, next time he’ll shave before *unning. Trail eventually led the pack to its first stop at the Tonga Room. For many Gypsies it was the first time they’d been in a bar that didn’t have peanut shells on the floor, others fit right in. Clearly Pet da Cooter was at home as evidenced by all the men who seemed to know her. Too bad the last one was her parole officer… c'est la vie. Dr. Kimble was simply stunning in his black sheath with pearl choker and feathered hat, so stunning in fact that a clearly jealous Bag Lady had to keep sending the drinks that kept arriving for him back to sender. Rumor has it that after Thursday Dr. K is considering a Pied a Terre in the Castro. Speaking of hats D’anglin Anglin’s little straw bonnet combined with his dress to leave him looking like a cross between a transsexual Amish farm wife and a slut. Tipping back yet another umbrella drink Just Barb, Open Wide’s mom, was busy inviting Nutless Sac to stay with her when he visits Minnesota for a family reunion. Open Wide was so shocked she almost choked on her pink boa until her mother giggled and said that Nutless was much too old for her. Having struck out with Just Barb Nutless consoled himself by playing kneesies with Just Mark whose beatific smile added to his already separated at birth from Jesus looks. Speaking of tipping Bigfoot made a few bucks when a very toasted patron mistook her shawl collared jacket for a uniform and ordered a drink from her. Never at a lose BF snagged a drink off the table of some lost in love civilians and handed it to the patron who was so pleased by the speed of her delivery that he pressed a fiver into her hand. OW’s sister Just Katie was carrying on quite the conversation with leopard bedecked Shaft but it all came to naught when Shaft remembered that he was married. All good things must end even slurping up hooch at the Tonga Room and eventually the pack was pried to loose to indulge in a circle jerk bringing them back to the Top of the Mark where, sadly, management wasn’t quite as thrilled to take Gypsies’ money, but they did take it as opposed to the services offered by a tipsy sheathed in black Lois Lame. Those with the fortitude to stay were treated to I R Stupid and Spanky tripping the light fantastic. I R in his simple frock and Spanky looking swanky in her spaghetti straps and taffeta took the place by storm. Almond Joy hearing about Spanky’s performance was beside himself with pleasure, quoth Almond Joy “Maybe tonight she’ll feel like a nut.” While some continued their revels at the Mark others moved on down towards next stop the Irish Bank. Just Doesn’t Get It lived up to his name when he stopped to chat with two humongous bikers who whistled at him. On the other hand he did get two phone numbers. Gypsies filled the bar with more black than a convention for priests. Turing heads sending tongues wagging. As the Guinness flowed tempers flared when some of the women who shall go nameless, yes Scarlett O’Hairy that means you and Handjob For Humanity, resented Tongueless being the only one asked to dance. Shimmering in his sequins and spinning and dipping with a young bravo Rocky and Bullwinkle if not Fred and Ginger were put to shame. Oh the hissing, spitting, and hair pulling were awful Dickless Namehole never one to miss an opportunity was on his cell phone trying to sell a rematch to Fox. Jealousy is such an ugly emotion. Phone Sex and Fits In pulled the combatants apart, paying a price in broken nails and false eyelashes, and peace was soon restored with air kisses all around. The pack decided that discretion being the better part of valor to turn for home and free booze. Back at the start the Sacred Bucket filled with Legare Street Punch, Fits In reads too many recipes, was brought forth and the serious drinking started. Broken Trojan, who with a closet full of red dresses couldn’t find a black one to wear, spent the evening staring at Cream Filled Buns in the hope that she would fall even more out of her dress and he’d get to stuff her back in. Latex Dreams lacked the latex but she certainly had a late arriving Pump Fake dreaming. How sad that Thumper had to wake him from his reverie. Drill Me never made it to any of the bars how sad especially since she and Bite Size were dressed as twins. King Rongjon, nothing stronger than water in his hand, held the Sword Of Power so straight that two pigeons mistook him for a statue with predictable results. Ignoring the impact he proceeded to distribute down-downs in his usual fair and strong manner. Special attention was paid to OW with King Rongjon versifying in honor of her birthday. It was Dickless Namehole’s Bday as well and he’ll get a poem when he becomes cute and blonde in his next life. The festivities moved to Pier 23 where Just Claire, Scarlett O’Hairy’s chum in the water, set off a feeding frenzy by those land sharks I R Stupid and Naked Hasher. Hopefully there wasn’t too much blood in the water. Black dresses, pearls, and the Gypsies, classics all. Cheers.