Run #474 The Piñata and the Turd

Last Thursday night it felt more like a return to the Ice Age than sunny California in the Presidio where our hare de jour Thumper had called the pack together. It was so cold that Nutless Sac and Rhett Butthole were wanking just to keep warm. Five seconds after leaving his car Naked Hasher looked like he’d need to be microwaved. The wind blew Sucks Donnie Osmond back to the pack. SDO explained his long absence with a story about breaking his pelvis while engaged in a sex act that even Chickless Boner never dreamed of, well it involved a woman still breathing. Things heated up when Just Carrie, Manhandler’s gift to the Gypsies, performed the evening’s religious service. She saddled up the Sacred Missal and took it over the jumps. You could have cut the testosterone with a knife. Carrie was so hot that even Just Doesn’t Get It got it. D’anglin Anglin pole vaulted the first ten minutes of the trail. How embarrassing when The Ripper tripped and D’anglin landed wrong, the extraction looked painful. Bone Marrow was barely out of the parking lot when she realized that hypothermia was setting in and headed back to her car. The rest of the pack didn’t have her good sense. Trail led the pack a merry chase through the housing areas and in and out of the woods eventually cuming out near the old public health hospital. The FRB’s spent a good portion of the trail wandering aimlessly through traps set by the hare. Only No Hands with Sammy as his faithful guide avoided Thumper’s pitfalls. Speaking of the hare he was almost snagged by Ben Gay who missed him by a hair when he went to ground. Trail went back into the woods and led the pack through the nature preserve where Whippet In and Whippet Out stopped not only to smell the flowers but water them as well. Trail crossed Lincoln and led the pack to the parking lot at Baker Beach where the hare in keeping with the Cinco de Mayo theme had several gallons of Margaritas waiting. There was more ice on the outside of the cups than the inside but the Tequila went down easy and the antifreeze effect was soon noted as Splat melted to the sand. Tongueless finally found some good in the effects of the cold and wind as he pointed out just how perky Open Wide was in her lycra spandex top. Likes To Lick laughed that OW had Nike nipples, when it gets cold they just do it. The pack huddled for warmth and in the case of Little John’s Son just to stand upright. Once the pack moved on it was a straight shot up Lincoln back to the start at Kobbe and Washington. Thumper wisely moved the pack to another parking area out of the wind. The Sacred Bucket was produced and River Madness swept the pack. Always thinking Scarlett O’Hairy used the cold as an excuse to climb under Just Hans’ shirt to get warm and his nipples did an Open Wide. Fear was starting to grip the East Bay contingent when they realized that Thurston Bowel The Turd was missing. He had the car keys as well as all their gear in his car. Fits In tossed back a drink and ever the warm hearted one said, “Fuck ‘em we’ll find his body in the spring in the meantime just break into the car and divvy up his cash.” Scrotum seemed to think that not a bad idea. The way Thurston gets lost it would make sense for the East Bay to insure him to the hilt and have free hashes with the profits. Splat was having no luck putting together a search party of Thurston’s friends finding very quickly that he had none. Mr. Logic visiting from BaselH3 and attempting to go 200 days without missing a drink (Thurs. was day 108 on the piss) used impeccable logic when he suggested that the pack just ignore Splat’s pleas and continue drinking. Sober King Rongjon took the Sword Of Power in a way to steady hand and administered down-downs for various offenses both real and imagined. Thurston suddenly appeared from nowhere although his story of being abducted by Amazons didn’t quite ring true. His nose for news twitching Enter The Gerbil’s interrogation was so intense that Thurston finally confessed to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby as well as simply getting lost. Once down-downs were completed the piñata was strung high from a tree and a suitable instrument of torture found. Bigfoot’s cohort in crime Tricia took the first swings slamming the piñata as she murmured the names of every man who’d ever done her wrong. Having done little damage to the piñata a now crazed Tricia took a few swings at Just Dan who happened to be close at hand. It seemed to take forever for Just Doesn’t Get It to get the missing ball back from Bella. Luckily 5150 was present and with his nursing skills Dan was able to avoid an emergency room visit. With Drill Me pouring vast quantities of River Madness into him and Bite Size lapping up the blood Dan barely whimpered as 5150 put in the stitches Every cloud has a silver lining and Just Kathy was so taken by Dan’s manly acceptance of pain that she took it upon herself to give succor in the back seat of his car. I R Stupid, McTaco, and Pied Piper happened to be standing by the car at the time and enjoyed it almost as much as Dan. Just Carrie with a ferocious series of blows finally destroyed the piñata sending a shower of candy and condoms to the ground. The way Manhandler was scooping up the condoms its clear that she has an active social life or at least plans to. Bigfoot on the other hand being married and all spent most of her time bent over looking for the chocolates. For those who needed more Tequila it was provided at Tommy’s. Beat the piñata and not your meat. Cheers.