Run #487 The Prince of Poison Oak
Who
knows what evil lurks in the hearts of Gerbils? In the past
Bigfoot would have been the only person who could answer that
question but after Enter The Gerbil’s performance last
Thursday night any Gypsy could tell you. The burning question,
in more senses than one, is just how much stock he owns in the
company that produces Technu. Speaking of itches Just Laura,
another of Beats Me’s bimbos (just ten more and she’ll
have her own Dirty Dozen), lived up to her prior billing and using
the Sacred Missal as her weapon of choice left Mr. Bone Jangles
feeling rode hard and put away wet. Her reading left Just Doesn’t
Get It looking like Napoleon Boner Dog panting and tongue
hanging out. Oh yeah, drool is so attractive. On the other hand a
fascinated Beasty Boy seemed ready to live up to his
name. Happily Just Doesn’t Get It is a fast enough *unner to
not have to find out. Our hare got the pack off to a great start by
*unning them through the sometimes pumpkin patch at 7th
and Lawton straight into enough Poison Oak to choke a horse. Whippet
In and Whippet Out were thrilled to be able to run through
the P O then lovingly rub themselves against Tongueless and
Fits In. Drill Me was heard mumbling about barber’s
clippers and how fast she could trim Bite Size while Bite
Size just rolled further and further into the plants.
Untroubled by the P O was Just Bob. We’ve always known he
was strange but it’s the first time anyone’s noticed the “Born
to Scratch” tattoo prominently displayed on his leg. Trail climbed
steadily up the slope to 6th Ave. where it crossed the
street and went up some steps to end by fucking the FRBs and allowing
the pack to enjoy the beauty of a long and grizzly circle jerk.
Without further ado the pack was once more plunged into P O heaven
and those few who may have avoided it on the first round were
afforded another chance to acquire the makings of *unning sores. As
Go Nad daintily danced around the plants Manhandler
called him a pussy and doffing her T-shirt dove through the stuff.
Still unclear on the concept but definitely in the mood Fuck Me
Father went crashing after her. One can only hope he’ll enjoy
being dipped in a vat of Technu. Speaking of being in the mood and
paying the price Open Wide and Likes To Lick should
enjoy matching their blisters when the time cums. A little delayed
gratification would have gone a long way. With all that P O Biggus
Stickus might have wished he wasn’t quite that big.
Eventually the trail led to a beer check at Chez Bigfoot and
Gerbil where our hostess was doing a land office business
selling not only Technu but the water to wash with. Splat just
laughed insisting that the oil would just stay on his fur and he
could shave when he got home. The thought of his starting at the
ankles and working up boggles the mind. Apparently it boggled
Scarlett O’Hairy’s mind as well, when he offered to let
her do his back she fainted. At long last the pack returned to the
start where the pumpkin patch became its theater of operations. The
Sacred Bucket was produced and filled with Mojitos a trendy
potion provided by the ever trendy Fits In. It didn’t take
Shithead long to reach the stage where even Poison Oak
wouldn’t be able to penetrate his Friday hangover. The evil drink
turned Udder Moron into an utter idiot but no one seemed to
notice the difference. Speaking of utter idiots Tongueless
gave an outstanding impression of one as the Gypsies
celebrated Gay Porn Night. Assisted by the ever lovely Bigfoot
and with King Rongjon Sword Of Power in hand
keep the mob at bay Tongueless summoned up his alter ego
Cumtha bearer of the All Seeing Eye and giving himself over to a male
tail read from a manly missal provided by Just Laura. The
sight of the All Seeing Eye moving across the page was more than Just
Maeve could handle and she swooned into the waiting arms of
Bitches’ Bitch who knew just how to handle the situation.
Has he been taking lessons from Chickless Boner the reigning
expert in unconscious women? The sight of the All Seeing Eye reduced
Meat Pie to gibbering and when last seen No Hands was pouring
large cups of punch into her as a countermeasure. McTaco,
D’anglin Anglin, and Manhole screamed in fear and
began hugging each other. Strangely, the hugging continued long after
the All Seeing Eye had been laid to rest. Just John begged
Goes Down Easy and Escrowtum to take him home
with them as he was afraid to be alone. Their lip licking smiles did
not bode well for him. Having lived with Cold Cuts for so long Pied
Piper was unfazed and just continued trying to teach Katie
to fetch him beer. I R Stupid swears there were two All Seeing
Eyes but by then he was seeing two of everything. Eventually he
tripped over both Manisex Destinies who were both comatose.
Booger Hooker wasn’t far behind him and if he hadn’t
been unconscious when he landed on I R some mighty ugly rumors
would have been started. Phone Sex arrived late enough to miss
the show but not too late to get her entry into the DUI Derby from
the Bucket. Those not driven blind or insane by the evening
made their way to Pasquale’s to rethink their lives. Oh we love
ourselves. Cheers.