Run #503 Beer Near! Oh yeah?

Well Drill Me and her malignant dwarf assistant D’anglin Anglin proved once again that hashers need have only half a mind and in the cases of some, like Splat, even less. Splat, Splat, Splat you should have known better (about so many things), but that all cums later. Our hare and her cohort ordered the pack to form at the boathouse at Stow Lake in Golden Gate Park. That’s the BOATHOUSE AT STOW LAKE IN GOLDEN GATE PARK Open Wide; this is the last time we’re going to tell you to: A read the whole set of directions and/or B listen to the whole message on the Hotline. Likes To Lick had to give up valuable drinking time to rescue you. Next time Drill Me will just send Bite Size to bring you back between her teeth. As the pack gathered it was amused by the arrival of the clown car that disgorged Escrowtum, Goes Down Easy, and their sister Just Brandy. On top of these three there is also Morning Missile. They should give up hashing and just sign on with Barnum and Bailey. As they poured out of the car a freaked out Rhett Butthole assumed they were the figment of one too many trips to the ATM (ask him what that means) and he was last seen begging Scarlett O’Hairy to help him go cold turkey. Luckily Johnny Moronic and Nutless Sac were there to save him from himself. Once his concerns had gone up in smoke the pack was able to settle down for its weekly shot of religion. Pussy With a Porpoise handled the Sacred Missal with enough ease to make it clear that nothing in the parable was new to her. Just listening to her read and wriggle LCB went from atrophy to hypertrophy and Son Of Shit announced that he planned to be eating more fish. The evening service complete the pack was on-on. Unphazed by idle Hazmatian threats our hare and her major dumbo tossed anthrax with abandon. Since the pack was familiar with Drill Me’s penchant for punishment marches no one was surprised when they got to the Storybook cross and found themselves surrounded by downed trees acting as a mantrap. Whippet Out was in heaven as he trapped Tongueless in the middle of the ankle breakers and Whippet In paused only to savor the sound of said ankles snapping. Sadly for Fits In she was once again counting that insurance money before it hatched and the bane of her existence extricated himself to continue his career as an annoyance. Boulder Holder made efficient use of the terrain by waiting for Manisex Destiny to be hopelessly trapped then diving in to ravish the poor devil. His pleas fell on deaf ears as she used him then abandoned the sucked dry shell crashing through the logs in search of her next victim. I R Stupid was spotted trying desperately to jam his leg into narrow space hoping to be the next fly to her spiderwoman. For those who survived trail went back down Kennedy Drive to 25^th Ave. then back into the depths of the park. Eventually trail crossed Middle Drive allowing the pack to circle jerk around one of the lesser ponds and back out to MLK Drive. Trail cruised right past Stow Lake and the start. Lesser minds like Splat’s were lured on by a Beer Near sign while those who kept their eyes on the prize simply headed for home. Flashlights twinkled as those with even less than half a mind climbed Strawberry Hill only to find the beer sign bogus. Thank you D’anglin Anglin. While the gluttons for punishment were indulging their need to climb hills truer hashers were already into the Sacred Bucket of River Madness. Comes Slowly was half in the bag from her in the bag bottle of red wine before poor Splat even appeared. Spanks For the Mammaries arrived late but was soon in the swoon as she drained enough cups of punch to leave Just Dave wondering if she had a hollow leg. His nose must still be sore from her response when he tried to check. Bone Marrow’s high five and “You go girl” seemed to leave Ben Gay just a little nervous. No Hands was by now no legs as well thanks to the Bucket so unable to walk he drove home but would have gotten further by taking the car out of neutral. Just Doesn’t Get It was another late arrival eschewing *unning for cocktails showing that his priorities were in order. King Rongjon wielding the Sword Of Power convened the circle and started dispensing justice. The Bucket had Mr. Bone Jangles dancing a lick which left Phone Sex feeling satisfied. Bigfoot was busy getting in the bag and Enter The Gerbil was busy trying to keep her out of the gas chamber. Happily belching isn’t usually considered a deadly weapon. Just Gil missed all this as one beer left him too toasted to do a down-down. When last seen Pussy With a Porpoise had him tucked under her arm and Just Scott was trying in vain to ransom him back. It must have been the proximity of the full moon or it could have been his proximity to the Bucket but Dr. Kimble was found wondering off naked and howling like a wolf. Bag Lady administered the proper sedation and took him home. Thumper was called forward to be punished for promising Comes Often aka Amy but never delivering. Sadly he’d already paid for his crime when vindication arrived in the form of Comes Often arriving on her bike. The King quickly reconvened the circle and as she flashed a fine and perky pair Thumper was forgiven. Once his tongue was back in his mouth Shithead offered to help her live up to her name but the Bucket had already rendered him useless. Needless to say Naked Hasher missed everything having fled the scene rather than drink and see tits. Fuck Me, Father mistaking Comes Often for Britney Spears had sent a Gypsy cap for her in Britney’s name, she can wear it proudly. The alcohol disappeared and so did the pack to the Little Shamrock. Cheers.