It was an unusually pleasant evening in old Tricrapolis, where the citizens had been ordered to assemble for forcible merriment. Tricrapylete, observing crowds that best could be described as sufficient, nodded to Wet and Sloppy. It was time to begin.

Duly, the virgins, who had been called forth by their father, were assembled. Duly they were instructed into their role in the ritual, and duly they girded themselves for what was to take place.

"Y'all got that? Yer good now?" Do Her Well drawled, fiddling with the straw stuck between her teeth.

"Bless their hearts, Do Her Well, I'll be obliged to look after 'em," Wine Rack nodded.

"You sure, Wine Rack?" asked Just Get It Over With. "Them's virgins can be awful squirrely sometimes."

"Y'all best be off," Hand Pump warned. "It's gettin' dark these days early on. Wouldn't want none of ya taken by a varmint."

The assembly dashed off into the night, One and Done darting past the ornate marble fountain in search of trail, followed closely by Cum Test Dummy and Rumple Dick Skin. Peg Me and Lace Me took a chance at a check, finding flour down the narrowest of alleyways, with Sweaty Betty right on his heels.

"Lord, this is a quick one," Cockagami puffed as they dashed past Tricrapolis's forum full of vendors.

"Have mercy!" pleaded Damien the Antichrist as they began to travel uphill again. Dick Simmons pulled out his scroll for a quick sketch of the action.

"My mama warned me about hanging out with the likes of y'all," Muppet Dick grumbled to Five Angry Inches.

"Does anyone hear banjos playing?" asked Meat Hall of Fame as his breath grew raspy and heart pounded. "Or am I just a tad light-headed?"

The looming erection of Coit Tower shaded them as they reached the heights of one hill only to dash downwards toward the next. In the distance, gulls lazily drifted out to sea in the falling light of the setting sun, and Tricrapolis's undrafted citizens began to ready themselves for an evening meal, unaware of the hardship outside of their doorsteps.

"My stars and garters!" exclaimed Backhoe as they dashed across Washington Square's fertile grass. Sir Menage A Lot could only shake his head. Fucker did his best to keep one of their virgin sacrifices in tow, while Cockamole corralled another.

"I've had a hankering for these hills," Geordi La Foreskin grinned. "Think the beer's over yonder?" Boner Marrow could only shrug.

Before their thirst could be sated by drinking the nectar of the gods, the pack was forced to traverse the bricks of Lombard and the Reservoir's mound, followed by ankle-grabbing cobbles in fading light. It was only when they approached the final view of the Bay Bridge that they were allowed to rest. Circle Jerk and Famous Anus could only gasp in relief as they saw CPA and Dick Ass Mother Fucker beside the conveyance containing the beer. Vagina Dentata offered them a cup, and Gloryhole and E=McFucked toasted them as they all sipped in gratitude.

"Yeh better eat up, you need some meat on those bones," Muff Daddy told Dickweed, offering some of the evening's wares. Hand Pump and THUNDERPISS discussed the latest sport they had heard of, while Fuck Buddy invited all to her upcoming dinner.

Tricrapylete eventually ordered them to return to where they had begun, as the night's sacrifice needed to occur. Unfortunately, many of the virgins excused themselves prematurely, and not being a tyrant, Tricrapylete was forced to let them recede.

"Y'all got any substitutes for virgins?" asked Mary Tyler Whore.

"My wife cooks a mean roadkill," Just Doesn't Get It advised.

"Shush!" Do Her Well slapped him, and they called it a night.