“Did anyone hear that?” wondered Primal Vagina. IDK My BFF Scott was stuffing his face with donuts, and so wouldn’t be any help for at least half an hour. Jizzard and Eat My Pussy were comparing lengths of… something, with Just Doesn’t Get It helpfully holding out his thumb as a comparison, Udder Moron looking very confused at his side. Dual Tools and Douchicorn were relaying something between themselves in a very… erotic fashion, and Cockarazzi was quick to cock his camera towards them.
“Hear what?” Dildo Baggins asked. “Sometimes I hear voices, you know.”
“What do you do then?” Primal Vagina asked curiously.
“Well, it’s usually an RA yelling at me to drink, so I guess I do what it says?”
It came from amongst the crowd, who were gathered by the Willie McCovey statue that was still quivering a bit from the time that Ska Skank had fondled it. Reverse Schoolgirl was the first to scream and run, followed by Just Diane and Tears of Semen.
“Holy shit, it’s a Dalek!” Sir Menage A Lot was torn between grabbing a selfie and jumping into the bay, but his options were thinned when Little Sissy Pants Hasher Boy was blasted into dust by a laser beam coming from the robot’s protruding appendage.
“A laser show… it’s how he would have wanted to go,” The Perfect Woman decided as he scurried off in terror, with Yessiryesshesfat at his side.
“Why is it that there’s always a robot invasion when I come back to the hash,” Double Dildo Dick My Daddy complained.
“I’m gonna punch it!” Sister Fister yelled, before she too was zapped by the Dalek.
I Cunt Hear You looked around in confusion, and grabbed another donut now that the crowd had diminished in size. Unfortunately, that drew the Dalek’s attention, and it was about to destroy him too had Boob Slap not thrown flour on it. Just Jana took advantage of her co-hare’s momentary distraction to guide the pack away from the bay to relative safety.
“But there’s no beer here!” Fucker complained. “I would have put up with a little zapping had I known there would be no keg.”
“Did some one protect Hand Pump?” Do Her Well cried out in distress.
“Jesus Christ your nipples!” millimeter Peter threw up a little in his mouth.
“Oh no, I was trying on a B2B outfit,” she explained. “Don’t ever get BDSM advice from Allahu Aqbark, he doesn’t understand safe words,” she advised. Masterbaster nodded in agreement.
“Did everyone make it?” Zippercised asked.
“What did the Dalek do to your hair?” Vagina Dentata cried out. Just Get It Over With dropped to her knees and wept.
“Old news…” Fuck Buddy complained.
“It’ll grow back,” Dickweed added.
“Will it?” Bitch’s Bitch asked.
“Don’t listen to him, he’s just a bitter man full of hate who throws trash at the Jewish and the disabled,” Brown Eye held Just Finn protectively as Handidicked cowered by the men’s restrooms.
“I was trying to provide a disguise,” Bitch’s Bitch defended himself. “Like Just Maggie hiding behind that naked dude in the alleyway.”
“We pretended to be crossfitters,” Wee Wee gestured to herself and Pole Her Bare.
“I still feel dirty,” Pole Her Bare added.
“This is all that’s left of On All Fours,” Backside Banger held up her wallet. “We should all have a drink on her, in her honor. I think it’s what Cuming Mutha would have wanted.”
“Here here!” called out Roman Showers. But before they could make their way to the bar, a tinny voice came ringing out from down the street.
“Run!” yelled Minor 69er, who immediately mounted Foul Balls’ canine and took off into the distance. Twerxes and Mouth Down South leapt for the last beer bottle and dropped it on the ground, causing Ball Buffer to cry out in dismay.
“The apocalypse is nigh!” he shouted, and took shelter amongst the bushes, followed quickly by Double Man Cum.
Weiner I Am began scaling the building. “Am I high enough?” he asked.
“Sacrifice the virgins!” Just Megan yelled out, taking Just Get It Over With’s virgin as well as her own in hand.
“Never!” Boob Slap replied, protecting her own.
“Girl fight!” Circle Jerk and Pepe Le Poop gathered the popcorn.
“Wait a minute!” shouted Dick Ass Mother Fucker. “It doesn’t want the virgins…”
“It wants the donuts!” Blow Queen concluded. The Dalek was narrowing in on ABBAA, who was holding a delicious morsel in hand.
“ABBAA, run!” cried out Glory Hole, but it was too late and ABBAA and his donut were toast.
“Meh!” Buck Fucka cried. “Save the donuts!” Meh, standing next to the donuts, quickly rescued them from the metallic grasp of the Dalek.
“What now?” Six Tits a Week wondered in dismay. Meh shrugged.
“We fight!” Brown Eye held up the hash shit.
“What did you do to it!?” Muff Daddy cried out in horror, crossing his legs.
“It’s circumcised!” Skid Mark answered.
“Brown Eye!” Good Shit’s voice drew silence from the small group still remaining. “Brown Eye, to destroy the Dalek, the hash shit must be wielded by one worthy of its burden. You think you are stupid enough to bear it? You are still smart enough to set your own trails, you fool.” He grabbed the hefty piece from Brown Eye’s hand.
And the hashshit descended upon Good Shit Lollicock, as a glow surrounded it coming from the heavens. Angels tooted sweet music from on high (or maybe it was just Weiner I Am).
“It is a far braver thing I do now, than I have ever done before,” Good Shit declared, and then he placed a donut around the hashshit’s corona, a bit of sticky sweetness dripping from its tip, and ran head on to the Dalek and shoved the concoction down its gaping metal maw.
“PINEAPPLE!” the Dalek yelped through a mouthful of wooden cock and donut. “PINEAPPLE!”
Good Shit hesitated. “Is that the safeword?” Allahu Aqbark yelped in agreement. Good Shit slowly withdrew the cock. “Sorry, buddy.”
And the Dalek locked onto them all simultaneously and blasted them into smithereens.