Run #415 Three Babes and a Bore

Beware the Ides of March have cum and brought with them a pub trail set by three babes and a bore. Our hares for last Thursday were Browneye, Henri’s Wee Wee, Better Than Silicone, and Snakeless. The ladies in question represent the pinnacle of hash bimbodom and Snakeless, as Ireland’s answer to absolutely nothing were a perfect mix. There was some trepidation as the pack gathered at Aquatic Park at the foot of Van Ness. Browneye and Better Than Silicone have been training for the Big Sur M word and there were those who feared there would be more sweat than beer on the trail. Cream Filled Buns’ brilliant reading from the Sacred Missal calmed some nerves. Other nerves were definitely set on edge. By the time she finished microwaving the atmosphere Camel Blower had so much smoke cuming out of his ears that Dickless Namehole thought he’d swallowed one of his smokes. Once a semblance of composure had returned to the pack it was time to be on-on. With the smell of beer in their nostrils the pack *an on and *an on and *an on. Hmm...It was getting to seem a lot like a real *un even T/BC was starting to sweat. Trail led to Shanghai Kelly’s but produced no hares. Ever the devil LCB had decided to exact revenge on the hares for their hijacking of one of his trails last year. He turned the pack into a wrong first bar. Damn, what a bastard forcing the pack to have a spare beer, he should be shot. Once the confusion was cleared the pack found true trail and headed towards real bar number one. The place was so upscale that Don refused to allow any of his sweat to fall for fear of staining the floor and the ensuing lawsuit. Not much time was spent in this fashionable establishment and the hares were soon off to the next victim. The Cinch was even gayer than normal when the Gypsies arrived. Boneless Chicken aka Chickless Boner whined because he got groped and Naked Hasher because he didn’t, you just can’t please some people. McTaco kept an eye on Elliot just in case one of the patrons took bestiality’s best a little too literally. This was truly a high tech trail with Camel Blower, Nutless Sac, and Dick Chick walking to the bars as guided by Snakeless via walkie talkie. Daniel & John’s was the next on the list. The bar was crowded largely with women the crowded conditions got a rise out of Dead Dick for the first time in years. The bartender was so taken with the walkers that he bought them a round. Dick Chick was limiting herself to red wine but that didn’t stop her from putting enough away to levitate out of the bar. A circle jerk brought the pack back to the Bar None. Snakeless and Naked were busy chatting up the young things with their usual level of success. Wankers Island was so toasted by now that he was trying to explain to total strangers that he wasn’t responsible for the last trail. It was off to the Faultline next. Dick Chick started chatting with a guy who turned out to be I R Stupid’s nephew Ed. She knew he was a Stupid as soon as he admitted being related to I R. It was on in from the Faultline and the pack was on in in a hurry anxious to get to the Sacred Bucket and wash down the beer. Sea Breezes filled the Bucket and were very welcome. Glory Hole was soon several sheets to the wind and having disappeared was located napping in the trunk of his car. King Rongjon was back from Helsinki and Sword of Power in hand held sway, in every sense of the word, over the pack. He treated the pack to an acapella rendition of Clint Meets the Gay Caballero. On the other hand he sent the pack off to the land of nod with one of his stories that neither starts nor finishes seeming to be all middle. Down downs consisted of Southern Comfort, which gave comfort to no one. It didn’t take too many down downs to inspire Fits In and Open Wide to try out their Janice Joplin impressions. Likes To Lick was at his worst yelling, “aspirate to win, aspirate to win.” They were both outclassed by Rugburns who when last seen was swigging the hideous stuff straight from the bottle. Hung Juror was advising her to leave her head to science since was gonna wish she was dead in the morning. When the booze finally hit she went down like a chainsawed tree, only her landing on an already passed out Jackoff saved her from injury. Daniel, a friend of lovely hares accompanied these events on his guitar adding music to the mayhem. John another friend found the circle giving him a natural high. The police did several drive bys but were smart enough to be very afraid of this pack. When the Bucket emptied the pack dissolved and most just crawled back under their rock. Oh Lord (or Likes To Lick) won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz. Cheers.