Run #416 Foreman Read the Verdict
Visitors
and newboots were thick as fleas on Badger last week as Hung
Juror laid his virgin trail from the Parade Ground of the
Presidio. Fearing failure he turned it into a family affair by luring
his brother Ted to cum from Chicago and provide him an assist.
Ted brought Ed along just in case they needed some
muscle to curb an angry pack. Shades of the Sopranos. Speaking of
family Nutless Sac brought his mother –in-law (a
marriage ending risk) but wisely kept her locked in his car and safe
from the influence of I R Stupid who found her strangely
attractive. Laureen a cumly virgin and target of that
notorious serial luster and loser Chickless Boner
(shouldn’t his name have given her a clue?) performed the evening’s
religious service. Laureen also seemed to know (in the
biblical sense?) yet another virgin, Fitz whose brogue
surpasses even that of Snakeless professional Irishman par excellance
and we all know what that means. Handling the Sacred Missal
as though she needed asbestos gloves she delivered a sermon that,
while not bringing down the house, brought Don’s sweats to
his ankles. While Don was busy trying to pull his sweats past
his tent pole the pack was off in search of trail. The hardest part
of the trail was finding its start. Once that was accomplished the
pack settled into its usual lemmings rushing to the cliff edge mode.
Sadly, Likes To Lick must have suffered an
episode of early dementia nothing else could explain him actually
following D’anglin A’nglin. Suffice it to say that
while the rest of the pack was putting away piss these wankers were
stumbling around Baker Beach looking for nonexistent trail. True
trail wandered through the Presidio allowing the pack to stagger
through the woods. Phone Sex unable to find an excuse
for missing the *un and arriving for cocktails found herself relying
on Camel Blower to help her find trail. Oddly Camel Blower
spent most of his evening trying to lure her farther and farther off
trail. Naked Hasher spent the evening as usual, trying
to stay warm. Will no one organize a clothing drive for this man?
Eventually the pack was reunited and the Sacred Bucket
was brought forth so the pack could drown itself in River Madness. It
wasn’t long before the River threatened to carry Open Wide
to the sea. No Hands arrived with a gift of beer that
remained undrunk by the Whine & Chowder Society and while three
days old and flat it still disappeared down the throats of true
hashers. At this point Pussy Whistle, Dickless
Namehole, and I R S appeared more or less on trail.
Pussy Whistle was moving at a breakneck pace but so
would any woman being pursued by that pair of rummy Romeos. Bigfoot
and Dr. Kimble were also late arrivals but not on
trail. Note to Bag Lady and Enter The Gerbil: having consumed
copious cups from the Sacred Bucket Dr. K
announced that every time Bigfoot belches his heart skips a
beat. As often as she belches he’s lucky it’s beating at all.
Enter The Gerbil, the King’s Own Fool, circled
the pack and forced the guilty to do flat beer down-downs. King
Rongjon disdaining to wield the Sword of Power merely
waved his hand sending each properly chastised miscreant back to
obscurity. The King recently returned from Finland where he
successfully avoided a You Fat Bastard down -down by exhibiting his
newly svelte shape was brought forward and the Finns error in
judgment corrected. The moment soon degenerated into a “one drinks
they all drink episode” and all the fat bastards were doffing
shirts to drink. There were T/BC, King Rongjon,
Likes To Lick, Don, I R Stupid,
and Nutless Sac (skinniest of the fat bastards)
half-naked sloshing back punch. Doctors believe that Dick
Chick’s condition is just hysterical blindness and she will
regain her sight. Virgin Michael offered to help by laying on
hands but she wasn’t that hysterical. The vision of so much extra
flesh sent Fits In face down into the Bucket and Sammy
howling off into the night. Happily Duncan and Parker
were already in their car and slept through the episode. Not so Gets
It In The End’s daughter’s Ellyn and Jessie
and their new pooch Leo. GIITE has threatened to bill
the Gypsies for the therapy the kiddies will need. Meatpie
on the other hand just shrugged said “and the beat goes on” and
continued to drink herself into oblivion. Likes To Lick
wasn’t done yet, getting a down-down for beating Open Wide.
She proudly displayed the bruises to prove it. Happily bruises there
mean she enjoyed it. Smoking Wiener of the Rocket
ShittyH3 stalked the periphery of the circle hoping to scoop up some
fallen angel but the Bucket soon sent him to dreamland with
the curb for a pillow. There is no such thing as too rich or too
drunk. Cheers.