Run #455 Badger Gets Bitch Slapped

The animals were out last Thursday night as the sows’ ears of hashing took to the streets in celebration of the Winter Solstice. Enter The Gerbil convened the randy revelers at the Forest Hills Muni Station on Laguna Honda. Assuming the high ground behind the station and sending shivers of terror through those civilians going to or from the station foolish enough to pass through the pack the Gypsies prepared to seize the night. Pagan passions were stirred by Just Alain a Frog friend of McTaco’s. A chef in real life he tried to get the Gypsy bimbos cooking but failed to bring them to a boil. Ripping the Sacred Missal from his hands Open Wide showed him the way and soon had the male members salivating and at least Just Hans’ male member rising to the occasion. Feeling their pagan oats the pack was off. Speaking of oats this was another of ETG’s oatmeal trails some think he may be taking biodegradable to seriously on the other hand the trail was so long that Likker Crotchy was eating it to survive by the end. He’d foolishly followed Thumper who by trail’s end had given up all hope of ever seeing home and hearth again. The only thing that saved most of the lost souls was ETG’s vanity. Were the Bard alive today he’d be writing “vanity thy name is Gerbil.” So enamored with his trail laying skills ETG dragged the hapless and still phlegm flinging Tongueless on an under the radar spy mission to see just how hapless the hapless pack was. The joy he took watching Glory Hole try to convince Beats Me to shake the bushes with him since there was no hope of surviving was positively obscene. Lucky for Glory Hole’s ego that he had no idea he was being watched. While the rest of the headless chickens were *unning hither and yon Shithead and D’anglin Anglin were exploring the darker regions of Laguna Honda Hospital on ETG’s from here to eternity back check. Had they the spent more time alone the boys would be the subject of some salacious rumors. As it is Comes Slowly has some concerns but only mentions them when the red wine reaches a certain level in her blood stream. It was Gerbil’s vanity that finally saved the pack from extinction. Unable to control his desire to rub their collective noses in the dirt he waited till they were together wandering around in search of trail and kindly pointed out to them where they’d gone wrong. The tears of joy shed by Rhett Butthole were money in the bank to our hare. Dick So Soft by now suffering from alcohol withdrawal became suicidal when he found out that our hare was only there to set the pack straight and not to provide it a beer check. One can only wonder why Lois Lame was so quick to volunteer to administer the coup de grace if he failed in his attempt. With the hare’s cryptic clues the pack was able to find trail and continue on its grail quest for the Sacred Bucket. Unbeknownst to the rest of the pack Drill Me and Badger were having an adventure of their own. Badger whose favorite refrain is “I am bitch here me growl” gave the paw to the wrong pooch. There she was being her usual warm fuzzy self looking for a Doberman to dine on when a Rottweiler decided that she looked pretty tasty herself. Badger gave him a kiss my ass growl and he was over the fence and chomping away. Lucky for Badger that Drill Me was on top of the situation. Not only did she free Badger but she saved the Rottweiler’s owners the cost of neutering him. Meanwhile back at the start our hare was busy trying to convince the pack not to lynch him for not having more beer handy. The poor devils were instructed to take a beer if one was left and head over to Chez Bigfoot and Gerbils for eating, drinking, and making marry. Upon their arrival the pack found Bigfoot and Fits In had prepared not only the Sacred Bucket filled with eggnog and rum but hot cider as well. While the rummies were getting even rummier they produced a dinner of Thai salad and Thai spicy chicken with basmati rice and all for a hasher’s favorite price FREE. How sad that I R Stupid had to say how glad he was to find they’d finally quit their bitchin’ and gone back to the kitchen. Once Likes To Lick pulled them off of him Scrotum was able to revive I R with CPR. Chickless Boner in his never ending struggle to curry favor with the ladies promised to handle their defense should I R live to sue. Without Just Bob to look after Twinkle Dick volunteered to keep the cold compresses on I R’s head and change the bandages when they got too bloody. While dinner was cooking Gerbil handed out the Gypsy Holiday Songbook and the Gypsy Tabernacle Choir was soon mangling carols old and new. Nutless Sac fresh from his excursion into the Hooker World (spell that Amsterdam) was in fine voice and high spirits especially since finding out the blood test came back negative. In a truly moving ceremony ETG passed the Fool’s Cap back to King Rongjon saying that “a year is long enough for anybody to be a Fool.” King Rongjon of course disputed this and pointed to his own career as proof. Koko visiting from Tokyo said that as far as she could tell the entire room was filled with proof of RJ’s position. Speaking of the King it was frightening to think he’d actually been cloned as many did when they saw Little John’s Son from the EastbayH3. Thinking they’d actually seen a clone of King Rongjon was enough to send Whisker Biscuit to AA and Scarlett O’Hairy to church. While all this was going on Tongueless was trying to recruit Manhandler, Semen Monster, and Gored Bush to star in his and Nutless’ proposed porn flick Gypsy Jiz to begin shooting soon at an unnamed location. Sadly Badger was more interested than they were. As the alcohol flowed the Gypsies welcomed Winter. Cheers.