Run # 481 LCB Gives a Blow Job

Last Thursday night found LCB going head (who said head) to head with Thumper for the title of the worst blow job of the year. Those sorry souls who survived Thumper’s *un in the dunes and his Sinkhole de Mayo blow job were kept busy debating the fine points of particular wind blown particulates. Unable to resist a blow job Thumper was, of course, present. LCB back from more travels than Sinbad called the pack together at the parking lot of the DMV on Baker and Fell. Scarlett O’Hairy and Open Wide arrived in a truck large enough for McTaco to have even more than usual penis envy. Even Likes To Lick seeing the grin on OW’s face wondered if he could measure up. The fog was already shrouding the city and the gutter trash that passes for hashers were colder than most tombstones while they wiled away the time waiting for the trail to start. Not that some of them were too cold to enjoy and icy pretrail brew. Some heat was generated by Just Mary a virgin who used the Sacred Missal to set off the tinder in Udder Moron’s shorts. Of course that tinder is so dry from lack of use that it didn’t take much. In fact Udder Moron and Just Doesn’t Get It are just as likely to start a fire by rubbing two dicks together as two sticks together…an idea that has crossed Rhett Butthole’s mind more than once. Actually the Gypsies were twice blessed as when Just Mary found herself to overcum by her reading she passed the torch to her friend and fellow virgin Just Kathy who was able to bring off the rest of the service with so much feeling that given enough time she’d have brought off Son Of Shit, a feat most women wouldn’t even bother with. Once the smoke had cleared it was time to be on-on. Trail wound its way through the panhandle giving the pack a chance to mingle with the local fauna in GG Park. Pubic Perm was zealously mapping the course of the trail on his GPS when one of the local denizens decided that he could put the equipment to better use and gave Pubic a chance to stay alive in exchange…and offer that couldn’t be and wasn’t refused. Losing his GPS put Pubic on an equal footing with D’anglin Anglin, now there’s a thought to ponder. Not everyone’s experiences in the panhandle were bad, Dick Chick tripped over a comatose local and noting that he reeked of her favorite scotch pinned her number to his jacket. Could it be a match made in heaven? Trail zigged and zagged along Haight allowing the pack to bowl over drugged and drunk civilians with impunity. Rocky Mountain Oyster was heard lamenting the lack of a stroller causing him to miss a seven-ten split. Eventually trail turned toward UCSF and assuming the hare would lead the pack up the hill Tongueless led a band of merry miniminds on a supposed shortcut. Planning to find trail he led the few the dumb over Tank Hill and into the wind. Reaching the summit they found it necessary to bend over to push forward. Whippet In and Whippet Out were just whipped as they sailed through the air like a pair of cartoon balloons in a Thanksgiving Day Parade. Fits In saved the day by quickly wrapping their leashes around Tongueless’ neck and as our hero turned bluer than blue she and Drill Me were able to reel the freaked out pooches back to earth. Twinkle Dick would have been of more help had he not been curled up in the fetal position, thumb jammed securely in his mouth, and crying for his mommy. The ever gentle Drill Me set him straight by judiciously applying Bite Size to his butt. Nor were these the only ones to have an ugly experience with the wind. Word to the wise, Splat, you’ll not win Mossy Patch by whipping off your shirt so she can see all your curly locks blowing in the wind. On the other hand Bite Size did show a certain interest in your shiny coat. Eventually the pack blew back to the start and the Sacred Bucket and piss were hauled to the McKinley statue where the dead president was honored by the Gypsies drinking themselves into oblivion. The Sacred Bucket was filled with Fits In’s special Mai-Tais which do magnificent double duty as antifreeze. As the drinks were sloshed down the cold and wind were forgotten. Glory Hole was looking spiffy with that scarf around his neck, as dashing as an RAF pilot at the Battle of Britain. How sad when a few cups later he crashed and burned. A teary eyed SCAF announced that he was moving back to Raleigh leaving the Gypsies behind. King Rongjon Sword Of Power in hand was quick to initiate the auction for Handjob For Humanity. Sadly all the bids were so low that the auction will have to be continued. Visiting from the West LondonH3 Ratshit did offer to take her back to London but even the air freight cost was more than could be raised even after SCAF offered to trade his truck. Meanwhile Bitch’s Bitch and Go Nad were busy arguing over the two virgins. Luckily Phone Sex was there to arbitrate and they were so drunk that her decision that the virgins end up with Pencil Dick was deemed really fair. The decision was especially popular with the virgins. Enter The Gerbil and Bigfoot were late arrivals but quickly fell under the spell of the Bucket. Bigfoot was particularly fetching as she hulaed away the evening to the nonexistent music of ETG’s air ukulele. Mai-Tais gone the luau was moved to Chances. Can hardly for the next blow job. Cheers.