Run #489 AAARGH!
Fucking
Pesto Chicken is gone but not forgotten. His legacy lives on as
proved by last Thursday’s trail set by Scarlett O’Hairy.
Our hare’s performance was perfectly pitched to have aroused the
petulant rage for which Pesto was so famous. Keys, hats, and water
bottles pounded the pavement in an exhibition of childishness that
would have brought a tear to the eye of its preeminent proponent,
Pesto. Our hare also supplied caps that could be hurled to the ground
causing them to explode just like Pesto used to. Serving as a stand
in for the missing rage master Son of Shit held his breath
until he turned purple providing an amazing imitation of the master
himself. All this before the Sacred Missal was even read. A
brilliant evening was in the offing. The AtlantaH3 supplied Toys
For Twats a willowy bit of blondeness whose reading left
Just Doesn’t Get It even hornier than usual and Napoleon
Bonerdog even more afraid to go home with him. An ugly rumor has
it that Just Doesn’t and Mutant Queen Jumper are
fighting over rights to Beasty Boy. Rhett Butthole has
volunteered to probe the question and get down to the bottom of it.
Scarlett successfully avoided being at the start of the trail
insisting that she and Rhett were needed at the beer check.
Without a bevy of shortcuts available Nutless Sac and
Esther decided to not bother trying to walk the trail but
instead practice some of the more arcane positions suggested by the
Sacred Missal. Tongueless, a man who knows no fear
brought his boss, Just Carol to the hash and she volunteered
to stay back and read the directions as the copulating couple
attempted to assume the positions. While Nutless’ windows
were getting fogged the rest of the pack was finding that they hadn’t
the foggiest notion of where trail went. D’anglin Anglin was
in heaven trying to use a divining rod to find trail but it just led
him to every water fountain on the route. At one point it led him to
Poops In The Pool’s ass, an embarrassing moment for both of
them but a thrilling one for all the tourists. The only thing Muff
Snatcher was following was Dick Chick’s butt so trail
was of no concern to him. His constant pursuit may explain the false
trail mark on her tights. Frustrated and lost Sniff My Box
found herself at Coit Tower where she was shocked to see her equally
lost co-Whine & Chowder Society GM Wankee Doodle tearfully
amusing himself by choking the chicken. Shock and Coit Tower seemed
to go together as Handjob For Humanity *unning through the
brush leading up to the tower fainted after seeing Fuck Me, Father
in a bestiality’s best boys moment with Libby and a tube of
liver paste. When HJH told Fits In the story she just
laughed and said Whippet In and Whippet Out have been
doing it for years. Ears suddenly perked up. Eyeing the long tongued
Bite Size Drill me pulled Fits aside and inquired as to
a purchase point for said liver paste. There was a beer check and a
drink check, hey the hares swear there was and they’ve even been
able to cloud a few minds like DipC Shit’s, well in his case
cloud might not be necessary. Rumor has it he has his address
tattooed on his palm in case he gets lost, it must be painful when he
moves. Still all those unopened liquor bottles in Rhett’s
car must mean something. Speaking of liquor the Gypsies can be
proud of the eleven gallons they consumed last week, nine of piss and
two from the Sacred Bucket. The Sacred Bucket was
brimming with a special potable that she has since dubbed Fits
In’s Own. Suffice it to say that the CHP has denounced it and
MADD has increased the price on her head. Unfair, unfair for instance
how could Cup Cake get a DUI when he spent the night asleep on
the roof of his car? Imagine his shock when he awoke arms around
Splat. Like politics the Bucket makes for strange
bedfellows. Seeing Splat climb onto the roof Udder Moron
announced just how happy he is to ride a motor cy. It was so potent
that an emboldened Chickless Boner propositioned Escrowtum…
and she was still breathing. Happily she’d consumed so much of the
Bucket that her right cross missed by a mile. Ministering
angel Little Beef, well known Whine & Chowder wankerette,
sought to succor him by clasping him to her ample bosom. Luckily
Phone Sex noticed him turning blue and he was freed from her
embrace before irreparable brain damage occurred. Little Beef
next turned her attention to Go Nad who ran shrieking to
Bigfoot for assistance. Forming an impenetrable wall she and
Enter The Gerbil stood fast and saved Go Nad from
becoming yet another fly to her spider. By evenings end McTaco
and Elliot had traded leash ends. Who would have thought McT
could catch a Frisbee in his mouth? Somewhere into his fifth cup of
punch Rainman looked down and decided the Bucket was
better than Viagra. Twinkle Tits just smiled. Recently
married Dickless Namehole was spotted siphoning it into a
bottle for when he got home. The Gypsies’ slip of a King,
Rongjon took the Sword Of Power and declared the
circle convened then proceeded to give Likes To Lick his 100th
*un Shirt with a poem that brought a tear to the big lug’s eye. Of
course the tear might also have been caused by laughter at the shirt
Open Wide also received. Provided by Fuck Me, Father it
portrayed LTL as an albino and OW as the woman who
wasn’t there. Speaking of white men Mr. Bone Jangles was
busy proving a racial stereotype by trying to teach Tongueless
to dance. Boulder Holder shook so hard with laughter that her
swaying breasts stunned Thumper. On the topic of breasts Das
Poop was certainly interested in the fine pair attached to Just
Nadia a lamb to the slaughter proffered by Spanks For The
Mammaries. The King summoned Pig Boner visiting
from Atlanta for the signal honor of reading from the Male Missal.
Pig Boner exhibited an unhealthy interest in some of the more
bizarre activities discussed in the manly text. Tongueless
relieved him of his shorts to the applause of the throng and the
consternation of Toys For Twats. Spotting a late arriving
Motor Mount Pump Fake called him over observing that
someone whose member is smaller than the Canuck’s had finally been
found. The halt, the lame, and the blind made their way to Pier 23 to
round out the evening. Yet another shitty trail rode into the moon
rise. Cheers.