Run #490 Busted!

As clouds scudded across the sky the pack gathered at Rodeo Lagoon to whine about the cold and wind last Thursday night. Fuck Me; Father was off behind the men’s room busily indulging yet again in bestiality with Libby in an attempt to keep warm. Wouldn’t just a warmer jacket suffice? In other words a typical *un start for the Gypsies. Just Jane from the Free ChinaH3 was brought forward to provide religion from the Sacred Missal. Just Jane who can best be described as a pretentious and tedious cow (actually another C word would be more appropriate but out of deference to Fits In who has threatened to pulverize your scribe if he ever uses that word “cow” will have to suffice) gave a lifeless reading leaving no one in doubt as to why she was alone. Just Doesn’t Get It averred that even he wouldn’t want to get it from Just Jane and Udder Moron who looks forward to the weekly service as the closest he cums to sex was left limp by her performance. It was clearly time to be on-on. Suddenly the hare staggered into the pack blood pouring from her beaten face. Through swollen lips and broken teeth Bone Marrow was able to tell her story. While setting trail she’d been busted by the Park Rangers. Knowing full well what her bag of flour meant they’d tried to force her to tell them where the *un started so they could bust the pack. Tortured beyond human comprehension Bone Marrow refused to crack. Finally deciding that she would never break the minions of justice left her bleeding and broken but unbowed at the side of the road where she was found by King Rongjon and Phone Sex. She begged them to take her to the start where, with superhuman effort she warned the pack about a potential ambush then fainted into the arms of the King. As one the pack turned toward the first mark and vowing never to be taken alive set out to honor Bone Marrow’s sacrifice. The pack followed trail uphill to an abandoned road. Trail then went back down and along Bunker Road past the visitors’ center and into the hills. The pack slogged forward hoping to make contact with the law. At this point Just Jane feigning a hamstring pull and PMS turned back. Eventually the pack found our hare’s last mark flour mixed with blood and decided to complete her trail marks or not. Remember it only takes half a mind to hash. His military training kicking in Likes To Lick assumed command. Exercising his keen eye for terrain and noting that the road continued uphill LTL led the pack that way. Reaching the top of a ridge the trail petered out and so did his route finding skills. While others dithered Phone Sex suddenly overwhelmed with a bizarre desire for Forrest Gimp of the OmahaH3 led him off on a trail he’ll never forget. Semenhole and Enter The Gerbil who’d spent the entire evening locked in a debate over whether Hawaiian shirts were appropriate for “dress down Fridays” continued to argue as they climbed another rise and found what they purported to be a trail down. Broaching the summit Whippet In and Whippet Out turned Tongueless into a street luge and took him through so much poison oak that even being drowned in Technu wouldn’t help him. Having taken a slower but saner trail to reach this point Eager Beaver and McTaco appeared. McT’s gait seemed a bit odd but was explained by Eager Beaver who announced that the poor lad had to “piss like a race horse” but with no outhouses available and suffering from “bashful bladder” he was now *unning with his legs crossed to hold “it” in. As luck would have it a toilet appeared and McT was able to flush his system. From there the road once again beckoned and it was straight shot back to the start. Bigfoot and Beats Me were passed on the road loudly declaiming their annoyance at not having been ambushed and used by brutes in uniform. Glory Hole held them spellbound with tales of his nights in the Royal Navy. Not to be outdone both D’anglin Anglin and DipC Shit waxed enthusiastic about the lesser known merit badges they’d won in the Boy Scouts. Suddenly it was like being at a Village People convention. Having successfully avoided being cut down in a hail of gunfire by Park Rangers the pack regrouped to celebrate itself with a Sacred Bucket filled with vodka tonics. It wasn’t long before the Bucket proved deadlier than the Rangers and bodies started hitting the ground. Speaking of bodies those of Nutless Sac and Just Esther were found in her car. Apparently they arrived late for the start and with no short cuts available decided to follow their usual course of action. While indulging in a particularly athletic position Nutless’ ass must have turned off the heater and... well when the pack finally found them they were a particularly lovely shade of blue. Luckily Bag Lady was present and able to revive them. While she was busy with the stiffs Dr. Kimble was doing a brilliant job of getting stiff himself. Eschewing her normal red wine in favor of the more potent Bucket Comes Slowly paid the price. She actually tried to carry on a conversation with Go Nad. It took Sadie and Meat Pie to finally drag her back to safety. On the subject of dogs No Hands was kept busy trying to keep Sammy from stepping on Napoleon Bonerdog. Libby made the mistake of trying to cozy up to Bite Size who promptly tried to turn her into a meal in a minute. Ever quick Drill Me saved the day by wedging Fuck Me; Father’s head into Bite Size’s gaping maw knowing that no damage could result. Scrumbag was a blast from the past and brought the pooch he’s dog sitting Bodie. Bodie spent the evening being broken in by that older woman Libby. Speaking of old Snakeless was found wandering the trails on a real *un, how sad, and brought in to be beguiled by the Bucket. The King administered down-downs the most memorable going to Just Sean for admitting that he was studying podiatry to satisfy his foot fetish. Open Wide comforted him by saying not to worry a similar psychological quirk brought her to dental hygiene. Before she could finish the party moved on to Dario’s for pizza. So OW enquiring minds want to know? Cheers.