Run #506 POed in the Presidio

The storms came but not until the Gypsies had once again stormed the Presidio. Sadly Cuming Mutha mistook a poison oak leaf for an olive branch and earned Bone Marrow’s undying enmity. She plans to strangle him as soon as she can stop scratching. Suddenly Ben Gay’s more natural itches have fallen far out of first place with her. Not that he cares; mutual scratching has replaced other more fun activities. All this was, of course, yet to cum. As the pack gathered at the gravel parking lot east of the GG Bridge last Thursday the air was rife with expectation. No Hands allowed that it was awfully warm for Hell to be freezing over and wondered if CM would actually show up. Few people heard his remark as the appearance of Whine & Chowder wankerette Me Me Me aka Princess Slut sent those familiar with her *unning to their cars for ear plugs. Plugs popped out for the evening’s service carried out by Just Brandy who handled the Sacred Missal with the same knowing ease as her sisters Goes Down Easy and Escrowtum. Clearly the family that plays together …well no need to finish that one. Her reading left Just Dave wondering if he could get adopted and Eager Beaver and McTaco antsy to head out to explore the darker places. Trail started out with a circle jerk through tunnels and bunkers. Tongueless whose feet, thanks to the dynamic duo of Whippet In and Whippet Out, never touched the ground was equally lucky this time that his head did not touch the tunnel top. Trail eventually took the pack on a tour of the on ramp to the bridge where they were able to zig zag through the urban detritus they’ve grown to love. While Tongueless whined about a short cut Drill Me curtly suggested that he go play in traffic and the ever cuddly Bite Size seconded the suggestion as only she can. Bitch’s Bitch found the singular shortcut of a hole through a fence which eventually led to the epidemic of Poison Oak that has caused the *un on cortisone creams. The only saving grace is that his case appears to be the worst. Then again rumor has it that Beats Me is a sucker for weeping blisters. Trail took the pack under the bridge through various and sundry homeless encampments where Splat was able to find some useful things for his new digs. Lucky for him that D’anglin Anglin hadn’t taken all the good stuff. Once back in the Presidio trail was lost until Bigfoot and Beats Me appeared like the Ghosts of Christmas Present to announce that it went back into the woods and they had no intention of going there. Trail did indeed head uphill along a cobblestone drainage ditch then back through the woods and eventually back to Lincoln Blvd. where an eagle/turkey split sent those foolish enough to want to soar like eagles down to Baker Beach where they could enjoy sand in their shoes. Gobblers headed straight for the beer check along the cliffs near the bridge. Give it up for CM he even had a Hummer and armed escort at the beer check to make sure the pack wasn’t disturbed, how thoughtful. Rhett Butthole and Scarlett O’Hairy both pushovers for a man in uniform were last seen stroking his M-16 and cat fighting over who’d be boinking in the backseat. It wasn’t long before our first line of defense was calling for backup. Phone Sex just thought that meant he was getting her a date as well. This, of course, was the Gypsy way of dealing with authority. Pencil Dick on the other hand was dividing his time between drinking a beer and begging the trooper not to call out the Hazmat team. Once the pack was together, had drunk their fill, and struck terror into the heart of the National Guard it was time to be on-in. Trail went along the cliffs but Open Wide and Tongueless chose the road less traveled and headed off across the bunkers. Whippet Out chose this point to bungee jump off the roof of one of the bunkers only to find that a leash has less elasticity than a bungee cord. OW and T eventually found themselves with no way out and went back along the road while those more daring and dogless followed trail. Having walked to the start OW was by now whipped and delusional mistaking T for Likes To Lick and expecting him to carry her. The pack found itself back at the start and Fits In arriving late had opened the bar. The Sacred Thermi made their first appearance of the year and throats were unparched with hot cider and rum. King Rongjon having survived attempted regicide on the trail and looking for vengeance took the Sword Of Power and began dispensing justice. The hare fell first. Rum and cider followed rum and cider until he admitted having tried to whack the King. Cuming Mutha was so wasted that when last seen he’d signed up for dancing lessons from Mr. Bone Jangles. Just Doesn’t Get It and 5150 were found guilty of non*unning and therefore not being available to carry the King in his hour of need obviously making them part of the conspiracy. Rum soon set them to rights. LCB avoided the Sword by returning to his Eagle Scout days and using his shorts to bind the King’s ankle. Seeing what the shorts had been covering sent Naked Hasher fleeing in terror. On the other hand Manhole was barely able to keep Otto from dining on what he mistook for a bit of sausage. Udder Moron saved the day by grabbing the appendage. The look on Go Nad’s face when he saw that was, as they say in the commercial, priceless. When he realized what he was holding Udder had a look to match. Luckily for LCB Sammy and Napoleon Bonerdog were busy trying to hump each other.Oh the things we hold near and dear. Cheers.