Run #1355 Ab Fab!
Last
week was the last Thursday in March so the Gypsies were busy
showing that they definitely wear it well on the umpteenth Little
Black Number trail. The Cunt Next Door or as she is
currently known The Cunt Next Door + 1 were the hares and
gathered the fashion plates at Front and Union. Douche Of Hazard
and A Fistful Of Cum were there to celebrate their 7th
Anniversary, yes, lo those many years ago they were married on this
very trail. Fisty looked fine in his frock but, whoa mama,
Douche rocked her décolletage and gave a whole new meaning to
“body camera”. The local yokels were happy to slow crawl past the
show of pack members switching into those little black dresses except
for Ska Skank Redemption who is the only know case of
red-black colorblindness. Ska wearing a red wig that Heinz
would like to use as a ketchup label defended her choice by pointing
out that at least red-black colorblindness doesn’t affect her
driving. Tongueless’ Penis was wearing a skintight, and it
showed A LOT of skin, hooded black and blue number. TP’s
outfit was so tight that Dick Ass Mother Fucker asked if he
could borrow the oil TP needed to get into it, not that DAMF
was wearing any less clinging an outfit. “Saint” Titty Boo Boo
was wearing what he described as his “easy on easy off pretorn just
lie back and enjoy it #metoo number”. When the topic is skin My
Uncle’s Girlfriend has to be covered; if her skirt had been any
shorter it would have been a headband, not that anyone was
complaining. Cream Throat Willie was another one who added a
splash of color to his outfit; of course that splash of color only
attracted the eye to his less than hairy décolletage. When the talk
turns to hairy the talk turns to Hot Dick whose back can give
Splat a *un for his money. The little coquette was wearing his
spaghetti strap number with a fashionable beret to go with Ice
Box’s, don’t expect to see this at the Easter Parade,
chapeau. The fools at the Top of the Mark once told her take off
since hats weren’t allowed; Ice Box took it off alright but
not her hat. The stylish pack lined up for the usual photo op and
Cock A Mole kindly did the honors with every camera handed to
her; the doctor diagnosed her as having “shutterbug finger”. Fits
In both refilled the Sacred Cooler with more assorted
Lagunitas bottles and hand religion off to Ice Box
and Hot Dick to provide the pack with some biblical thoughts
from the Sacred Missal 2.0. By then our hares were off to set
the trail that no one needed to follow to know where they were going.
T was mistaken for the ghost of Marilyn Monroe by several
visually impaired civilians as he and TCND chalked marks and
tossed flour through Chinatown and North Beach to finally stroll the
California hill and walk into door number one at the Tonga Room. TCND
flopped into a chair and looking into her virgin Pina Colada patted
+1 and said, “It’s been a long time since mommy has had a virgin
anything”. Bitches Bitch led the pack knowing just how
crowded the bar was about to become. Mouth Down South a Whine
and Chowder wanker filled his mouth up north with alcohol then went
the way of all flesh, home. Mary Tyler Whore shed a tear when
the bill came. “The hares are away”, rose over the din and off
they went to lay trail to door number 2 The Starlight Room at the Sir
Francis Drake. The Gypsies have a love-love relationship with
the Starlight Room and this was no exception. As the hares passed
through the doors the doorman asked, “Has it already been a year”?
There was burlesque Cabaret scheduled so the dance floor was out of
bounds but looking around the Director told T the pack was
giving them a run for their money and if anyone wanted to come to the
THEIR show the price would be half. Who’s Your Daddy and
Chickenboner walked into the show momentarily and the applause
they got registered on the Richter Scale. When Fits In arrived
her French .75 was already waiting to be drunk. Bitch Pimp and
Just Pat were introduced to the pleasures of this high caliber
libation and it hit the target. Tears Of Semen and Blow
Queen were looking fine and the bar soon had them looking even
finer or at least they thought so. One Night Only put in an
appearance and shed bitter tears at having to make an early flight
for work and not play. Twinkle Dick positively sparkled. Way
too soon it was “Hares away” but it wasn’t very far to door
number three the Clock Bar in the Westin. T’s blonde wig
made the rounds; it looked great on Just Pat who did her best
Cousin It impression. “S”TBB looked more like he needed a
bikini wax and fast! Stinky Floss was attired in what can best
be described as tight and high, were she of that ilk money would have
cum rolling in. Cockulus Oculus found the bar to her liking
and those watching her returned the favor. The hares were away and
headed back to the start. Not that T was toasted but that last
glass of Talisker might not have been necessary; still, athlete that
he is, he managed to only fall over 3 times and not hit his head even
once! TCND was ecstatic to not be +2. Back at the start the
survivors gathered to inflict even more pain on themselves from the
Sacred Thermi filled with hot toddys. Showing a brilliant
ability to balance Missed Delivery managed to spill not a drop
as he touched the ground and whispered, “It’s not Halloween so we
won’t be kissing”! 5 Angry Inches having missed the bars
was sitting on the ground in his bikini briefs kissing his liver a
fond farewell. It wasn’t long before “S”TBB was down to
his skivvies as well. To say that Jack The Ripper rolled in
would be accurate. Somewhere along the route the pack had managed to
acquire Jihad Jew and Ich Liebe Dick from the LAH3 and
they fit right in. King Rongjon a vision in black had managed
to get further and further behind at every bar so with the down-downs
poured T took up the Sword Of Power and was about to
wield it when 5150 announced the cuming of the King.
King Rongjon took over and immediately called up T to
give him a belated Bday song. The hares were toasted and “S”TBB
getting toastier by the minute was the stunt drinker for TCND+1.
Tuna On Top managed to usurp the Sword from RJ’s
less than nimble fingers and tried to hold court. Lois Lame
was incensed by the idea and shoved T into the fray. T
managed to administer a number of illegal chokeholds and retrieve the
Sword pleasing LL to no end. Eventually FI
shouted “Last call” and the pack shoved as many bottles into
pockets and backpacks as they’d hold and the Outbeer was
steered from the curb at 11:30pm, the hardcore held their ground were
lying on it spell. Who’s Your Daddy and Chickenboner
were particularly elegant. Cheers.