“Would you like a trail with hills?
Enough to satisfy Can’t Kill Bill?”

“We do not want a trail with hills,
Not even for Gobble My Ass’s thrills,”

“Would you like a trail with flats?
Where Skid Mark can run by Giants at bat?”

“We do not want a trail with flats,
Do Her Well, we certainly don’t want that!”

“Would you like it at a park?
With Chicken Bone Her on a lark?
Would you like a coyote’s gaze?
Cockamole blinking at sun’s setting rays?
Would you like it with Hand Pump’s treats?
To fill your stomachs with delicious eats?”

“We do not want a trail with sights,
It will make Dick Simmons snap all night.
We do not want a trail with sweets
That Muff Daddy forces all to eat.
We do not want a trail, flat or high,
Do Her Well, don’t even bother to try!”

“Well would you like a trail with light?
To see Suck Squeeze Bang Blow climbing heights?”

“We do not want a trail at day,
No matter what E=McFucked will say,
We do not want a trail with sun,
Joe Pubic Hare and Fucker know that’s no fun”

“Would you like a trail with beer?
And chalk marks showing where it’s near?”

“I do not want a Montucky beer quest”
Who’s Your Daddy tearfully confessed.
“Make sure the beer is taken away!”
Cried Humpy Slowcum and Sexxx-Ray.

“How about a trail with shiggy,
Going across a hill all ziggy?”

“We want no trail with icky dirt,
Gloryhole and Blowfish might get hurt.
A treacherous trail that goes straight up?
Think about Look Who’s Coming to Dinner’s pup!
We do not like a trail with nails in it,
Even if Muppet Dick’s grabbed by Just Doesn’t Get It.”

“Well how about a trail with A’s and D’s?
For Tuna, and Crabs, and all to see?”

“…”

“A trail with features from Wine Rack,”
Five Angry Inches will show his back,
All Tease No Please can fit right in
And Motormount can show off some pins.”

“…”

“Backhoe knows how to make us hush,
Minor 69er can make us blush.
Vagina Dentata will belt a tune,
As Miss Delivery stands under light of the moon.”

“Say! We like this trail you laid,
Even Sweaty Betty’s swayed!
Just Chinmay and Famous Anus took on the hills,
Touchmaster 69 and Diarrhetos didn’t mind the drill.
Cuming Mutha with On All Fours came,
Just Get It Over With returned, untamed.
Hoseblower and Sleazy toasted all
Dick Ass and Three Fingers heard circle’s call.
Wash This Asshole sips his drink
After Medium Sized Balls of Fire gives his cup a clink.”

“So now you’ve had your fill of laughter,
But let EMP warn you—no food at the on after!”