On the fundamental laws of hashing

A treatise

If two trails are in equilibrium with a third trail, they are in equilibrium with each other

In order to achieve a patch, One and Done needs to set a trail that is either over five miles and under 100 feet of elevation gain, or under five miles and over 1000 feet of elevation gain. One and Done instead sets a trail of over seven miles and under 100 feet of elevation gain. But because One and Done received the patch, his trail was only over five miles.

Trails cannot be created or destroyed, only converted from one form to another

Humpy Slowcum breathes reverently out as he stares at the OKHM (Oldest Known Hash Mark). Hoseblower grabs his camera, while Cuming Mutha is whispering a reverent prayer to hashes gone by. Famous Anus and Backhoe wonder whether anything is truly worth lasting forever.

The disorder of hashing only increases over time

Once long ago, Dirty Man Colada would have known how many marks a hasher needs to see after a whichy way. Thirty minutes ago at chalk talk, he would have been told. Now? On one?

A hasher in motion shall stay in motion

Observe a hasher, Crabs. Crabs progresses towards the Turkey/Eagle split in motion, travels through the Turkey/Eagle split in motion, and stays in motion into the Eagle until Fucker can gently stay Crabs, preventing his utter demise.

The absorbance of a hasher is directly proportional to their path to the beer

Cockamole toasts Touchmaster 69 and Tricrapylete, while THUNDERPISS and Wet and Sloppy get in line for the keg. Circle Jerk says yes to a top up, his mustache guard serving him well. It was a long over five miles to the beer.

A hasher at rest shall stay at rest

Muff Daddy and Cockulus Oculus watch as Five Angry Inches and Wash This Asshole cart the keg into the park.

As the temperature of circle decreases to zero, the disorder of the kennel reaches a minimum value

But Dickweed, Do Her Well, and Hand Pump still have announcements! Dick Ass Mother Fucker and Shaft make their way off into the night.

The force of down down is equal its mass times its acceleration

Eat My Pussy is forced to do a down down. The more he delays his acceleration towards the down down, the greater its mass.

The laws of hashing are invariant within hashing frames of reference

Once in Sydney Walton Square, a hasher got naked to deliver a frozen pizza that Sir Menage a Lot had bought. Therefore, if Sir Menage a Lot buys a pizza, a hasher must get naked. Sheepy demonstrates.

E=mc^Fucked

Jack The Ripper pauses. Night has fallen. He had seen Uber Luber, Suck Squeeze Bang Blow, Boner Marrow, and Cum Test Dummy dash off into the light long ago. Now, his only option is to take his mass at the speed of twilight back to the start.

For any hasher, there is an equal but opposite hasher

See also Do Her Well and Just Doesn't Get It

The Ideal Trail Law

According to the wisdom of Cheese Turd, the ideal trail may be calculated by multiplying who gives a fuck by the amount of beer.